Day 389?

It's been a long time. Too long really. With all that has happened I forgot all about this site. But recently I had the time to charge his phone, just in case again, just in case his family or friends managed to survive. Still blank, still waiting with a most used bookmark on the page.

I reread it all. I relived it all, and the saddest thing is I still miss him even though I now have others with me. The boy I saved. The girl who saved us. They are the constants, but there have been a few that came and went when they needed.

The boy is Kris. He knows he has nothing but us. Unfortunately he saw it all.

The girl is Charlie. Yes that Charlie. I said she would be saved, but unknowingly she proved again she had a heart.

On September 17th attacks started happening all over. Within a day the scale was unheard of. The world collapsed faster than anyone would think. These plans they had for holding back a tide of the infected with flu and all that? They were nothing but scrap when this occurred. Complete communications collapse within weeks. But all official communication ceased within days. Even after all this time I haven't heard anything valid. True there has been a couple of bursts of shouting but it never lasted.

We wanted to leave. To explore this world with the army's equipment we have but there is still this nagging fear. Fear that we will be lost in areas unknown. Fear that rescue will come to our calls and we won't be there.

Hopefully I can briefly cover what has happened over the coming days and weeks, as the former blogger said, this is all for you to learn, so you don't have to suffer the same mistakes we made.

I suppose I should mention, of course you may know already but...

My name is Sam and I survived the Apocalypse.

Day 4 all over.

I knew I had to do this right. I've been over and over his notes on that day and I remember his descriptions of what happened and could have happened.

The group was down by two of the original members but in following there seemed to be 3 new ones. There was also one haunted looking girl who was still easily recognisable as the one who had to live regardless of what happened. She saved him. I'll save her.

The issues lay in finding a place for my equipment safely while maintaining my safety when I try to turn the tables on them. And figuring out how they function as we... Me and he... saw the dead former leader over half a year ago.

Hunting them and staying hidden however turned out to be really easy. They didn't even seem to try to hide themselves. Two had proper weapons in firearms while most others had axes or show swords.

They were aggressive, until they saw a random survivor. They must have missed the noise a few hours earlier but I didn't. It was a boy maybe only a few years younger than me. Crying. Over his mother. Or maybe just a woman who helped him. The noises? Her fight to kill the two Rani that trapped her. From how the dead lay I would say she got one then died. The boy must have gotten the other. It's strange how I was able to think that before seeing him, even guessing how they lay. It makes me wonder if he was right; that I have an insight he never did.

When they saw him they rushed back to hide then started to discuss their plan. I was sickened by this, but to act? That would ruin everything. Three days following them would be wasted.

So I watched. They left him crying for an hour. Calling the Rani in. My skin crawled with knowing that

Finally they moved. Carefully, with small smiles. They knew what they were doing. They had done it all before. Still I watched. I waited. Barely.

Changing tides

That group I said about? It would seem it is a small world. It also looks like Day 4 isn't so far away. Time to see how they like being tricked.

The city in Sun

I was thinking about my previous post and I thought best to clarify: we did have a lot of set backs when it came to travelling away.

This city is strangely compelling when silent. The wind screams through so freely around all we made. Even more so seeing it has been overly windy recently

There are signs of people being here since we left. Cars have noticeably moved, namely on exit roads and the like. But no movement that I've seen.

The strangest thing I have noticed is that there is a noticeable layer of dust on cars. I know occasionally you saw it but every one I pass had a complete layer. I say had as I drew on some to pass the time.

One final thing is I have picked up a noticeable trail left by a group and I'm pretty sure as I'm following it the things are getting fresher. For one the mould is less the more I travel. They obviously stick around more than me.

I will keep you apprised.

On the road - Distant travels

I suppose a new introduction is in order for late joiners. I'm Sam (see below for more details). I currently travel alone and occasionally I will write these messages for you in the hope that you will gain something from it. It also allows me to stop going slightly crazy from being alone.

My last post, first post, was done the day before I set off from the Satellite station. It's only been a few days really but I'm almost back. Compared to how long it took to go the other way, I am amazed.

Back being Hereford itself. In the hopes I find purpose or something to distract myself.

Hesitantly I left the van at the station, hidden as best as I could. I would like to use it but in being alone I felt it put me at risk. Say if it broke down or something.

I didn't like my last sign off. I can't quite put my finger on why however... I want to say 'Keep in touch' but it's too much like a damn letter. How about;

End (I like the sentiment, almost like his but not)

Day... A New Start

It's been such a long time in my mind that it has been over. I'm by myself now. Well other than the 5 Rani that stumble about nearby. I had to use most of the ammo to dispose of the rest so I could get to him and say my goodbyes... Is dispose the right word?

I've also had ditch most of the weapons as I couldn't physically carry that many. Arguably I am carrying too much now anyway. Two pistols, shotgun, assault rifle, and a disassembled sniper rifle. On top of that I have my survival clothing, primus, food, ammo. Water isn't so important now knowing that I can drink any source and not be infected, or at least as far as I am aware...

The weapons I have left are by the helicopters, so if any of you need them, take them. They are hidden below the one that has one of the leg supports broken off. It's pretty hard to see or get to it without knowing it's there.

Towards the end of the last section of these reports I was starting to wonder if there was any point, and if there were others. With his sacrifice I have been refreshed like a damn webpage. I know people will be alive because others will die to save them. I know there is a point else he would have jumped in the room with me.

There are people from hell too. Yes. But they can capture me all they want. Do unspeakable things like they already have, but in this world, vengeance isn't a cell, it's a weapon; it's death. I don't want to become some God-awful thing like The Punisher but strangely I can see why he was like it. If you think that comment is strange in itself when coming from me, think about it, he wouldn't have been able to cope with me if I didn't have similar interests.

I just don't get how the best time of my life is the time I have spent with him. I guess it doesn't matter now. I'm heading back to Hereford shortly, to try and find someone or something. My family, or hell, even the Dodge or Day 4 guys. Scores to settle as they say.

I will talk in time about how I found him but right now the roads a'callin', can't keep it waiting.

Now I was thinking what my sign off could be. I almost want to have his but I can't dwell; it hasn't been long enough to dwell. So how about:

Another update, shortly.

For if it ends too soon

I write this with the knowledge I have gained so far: I know I will not last forever. Eventually I will get caught out or mess up. Hopefully someone will find this log (most likely Sam) or I will post before I join the legions of dead. Too many close calls... I can't just leave things open ended. Relying on luck to get by is a fools errand. I am no fool.

So here is my message to all from beyond the grave. *Insert spooky noise here*

I have regrets of life, sure, but at the same time I have those moments of which I fondly remember. Many things I would change, but mainly just to change how I spoke to someone, or how I reacted.

I want to express that there are people who were in my life and are that mean the world to me. I either miss them or complain that they are around too much. A secret? If you found yourself saying I hope I'm one of those; you probably are, or were.

This life and all that has happened over the past few years has constantly had me reevaluating life itself and in the end I've always worried that I won't make the most of it and I'll ruin any chances I've had. I guess all the answers are left to those remaining to answer. Sometimes the questions are left for them to ask as well.

Secrets should remain.Why do people need to know all the shadows in our life? Though I harbour dark intent there: I want to ensure that we always forever share a shadow of our hearts. But I do want to say that I always remember certain moments and they guide me. I would say they always will, but that will be redundant when you read this.

Funny thing is, the thing that holds me to my sanity so much instead of the falling depression isn't hope, or happiness but a line from a film. "The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you'". All I've tried is to find who I am, to this day I still cannot say. I try and pressure myself to think, but I cannot.

I've also been thinking about how I can end my final post. Which I guess is this. I hope something fitting remains in my last thoughts and I really pray I remember that period. Maybe you haven't noticed but I never put a stop at the end of my sign off. A sign for another day, a sign for hope: that this isn't finished. Not just yet. But strangely it is.

I hope an eagle eye or two have also spotted a secret there: make. Life is what you do and create, don't just survive, anyone can. Make it a life worth living be it apocalypse, rapture, or wedding day.

So in ending a final wish. Don't forget any of my words. Don't wish harm upon those who you share these dark and bright days. And in the end does the apocalypse really change us? Who we were before it is exactly who survived it. What we have done is all we are: all the trophies on the wall are just symbols of that fact. All I know is that the world will carry on after me and that's for sure.

For the last time I say; I hope you make another day (it's up to you to say that from now on)

Day 207

Today we pottered around for a couple of hours. At about noon we decided that we may as well make our move today. The Rani numbers weren't going to get any lower at any rate.

We suited up and armed ourselves. Sam went full auto rifle and a pistol backup with nothing else but an empty bag. I chose my shotgun, pistol, and my hidden frag grenade. I emptied my bags and laid everything out so that I could put it back easily. Though Sam thought it funny to move things and stumble through them as I arranged them. She knows how to wind me up then calm me down with just a look of complete sincerity.

An hour later, I guess, we took a rope down the back where the Rani number was less and we cut around them so they didn't know we were missing. Regardless of which way we returned we were safe: a passcard to open the front and a rope we had been practicing to climb for days since we got there. It is something I missed out to add an air of surprise. So ta-da!

Slowly we made it round. Maybe half an hour or so. We entered the canteen through the front entrance path and started to load up. When we finished we realised how little there was and I suggested to move to where the bad guys were based as they likely kept a small amount of food there for when they were too lazy to move all that distance. To my surprise she agreed. So we moved on. First to the TV room to pick up the last clip and pistol Sam had hidden there, just in case, then onwards.

Moving onwards we chatted idly, like we always do. Then Sam stopped so I averted my eyes from her and followed her sight.

"Oh shit". So succinct and eloquent, really, when faced with the forgotten remains of those who chased me through the building. Apparently trapped by their inability to understand windows properly and all other doors being locked automatically. It also was apparent that using silenced weapons was a good idea recently to remove their brothers from our surrounds. In that moment one turned and bared it's teeth, snarling. In some kind of orchestrated movement the rest turned raising the snarl to a rumbling hiss. By now we were backing off, both clutching our weapons.

Sam shouted for me to take the point so she could clear any rushing us. I ran facing away from them relying on her to keep them off of us. Her gun fired in a quiet repeating prff-prff-prfff. Still silenced I sort of wished that it was louder to shake their noise from my thoughts. When I opened a door I would shout and she would move up to it so it would be clear for her. In almost a flash of a moment we were out, though it may have been clearer to her than me...

We started running to our dish, the second one up. I still held point firing at any Rani that decided to flank us down. Soon Sam called she was out. A quick count made me realise how much she was firing. She had taken 10clips. To be sure, to be sure, to be sure etc. Obviously needed more. So I took the back spot as I held the better weapon. Sam took point with her pistols. I realised that we had passed through the group that had been hounding us at the dish. So it was clear that way but somehow they were catching up. We were running as fast as we had ever which used to get rid of them but now... Had they adapted?

We ran across the yard as fast as we could with the stench of death upon us. My breathing shallowed in the reintroduction of those smells: Rani rot and fear induced sweat. I have not felt those since climbing to the roof of the garage whatever day it was. Sam was a dozen steps ahead at most and as she reached the doorway she dropped the passcard and cursed. I forced air into my lungs so hard it burned. From my belt I took the grenade I hoped to keep for my last day.

I pulled the pin and began to throw just as one ran into me. It slipped and flew half the distance I wanted. I remember thinking "What the fuck is the kill box of one of these" when I picked it up all those days ago. I felt like I was about to experience it.

Next the Rani's face exploded into a red mist as I subconsciously had pulled the shotgun back round and I clambered away but the explosion went off and a searing pain shot across my lower back. My hearing was muffled and my eyes blurred slightly but I ran none the less.

Inside Sam made it to the secure door, and opened that. She ran further in to get ammo I suppose forgetting the door also locks there by shutting under it's own weight at an angle. As I made my rush I realised that they were once again upon me. The time it would take me to stop the door shutting and open it enough to get through wouldn't leave me enough to get it shut the other side. And beyond lay no where else to run. I slammed into the door, shutting it. My heart skipped knowing this was it. I turned to the supply room to the left, with a normal door and slammed it shut. Once there was an industrial floor cleaner here but now it was empty but small. No window.

So now I lay braced against the wall, holding the door shut with ever weakening legs. I counted my slugs. 24. In the gun as well made 32. Not the final fight I wanted but it was inevitable. Me or both of us? No competition. Somewhere inside me I know Sam was the better of us. At the very least she is more athletic and a better shot. She'll make it. She'll be pissed for a long time, maybe even bitter but I hope with the next post that comes she'll understand. Damn luck. I have the horrible feeling of wishing this happened earlier; so I didn't start to understand this world, so it didn't feel right for me.

Worst of all she text me. Begging me to be safe. My hands are bloody from those damn fragments in my back and apparently my right leg and shoulder so I can't respond or even read the whole of her message. Just "please dont die I ca..."

Sorry Sam but even if I wanted to, I won't make the night. Things feel strangely numb; my hands are shaking but I can't tell but for seeing. I guess in a strange way I am feeling like you did when you and that fence got intimate. I hope that makes you smile.

No more complaining or comments here. They are to be left in the only file unposted here and only notepad doc on this laptop's desktop screen.

So in finality, fully and unremitting to all of you:
I hope you make another day.

Day 206

Another day waiting. Most of the time was used to dispose of more Rani around us.

Nothing special still that I need to mention.

I hope you make another day

Day 205

Another beautiful day with nothing really accomplished.

I hope you make another day

Day 204

We've set a date for making our rush. It will be Wednesday. That will give us about a weeks worth of food and three days of liquids if we are unable there.

I've been double checking everything I will need the next few days as well as fighting to keep myself calm in this situation as I have only recently been reminded of what can happen if you slip up.

I hope you make another day

Day 203

Another day with the sun beating down. The few Rani around are seemingly more relaxed which is strange. We still haven't done anything putting off the inevitable is stupid but I think we are just afraid to move as we have become accustomed to this world.

I hope you make another day

Day 202

The day was beautiful today. The sun was bright and not even knowing we are short of food and the Rani are still around us could ruin the day.

Thinking back a short while it is amazing that the snow has turned to this. I know it was a few months ago but still it doesn't feel that long. In the scheme of things it really isn't that long at all. It would only have been 100 days ago. Halfway between here and the Apocalypse. Just a blink of an eye. But with today? It makes it a beautiful blink.

I hope you make another day

Day 201

Planning and resting today. The Rani presence is still low right now but we need a break from the worry of being alone.

I hope you make another day

Day 200

A milestone, again. In truth I'm not completely bitter. Today I made it back.

The Rani missed me over night meaning it was clear sailing. Even the station was pretty clear. Not perfectly but enough.

Sam heard me before I arrived and was waiting. She hugged me before I even had the chance to say hello. We caught up, even though there haven't been that many days apart and none without us talking on the walkies.

A problem arises though. This building is safe, but food supplies are not good and there is no water inside the building. We daren't go into the ration packs in case we are stranded away from food supplies. The only solution is to raid the last of the supplies in the canteen. We can hold that off for a few days but not for long. We need to plan, but in the end all we can do is state the paths we wish to take and how much ammo we are going to.

However bad a situation we are in it is made lighter by having contact with another again.

I hope you make another day

Day 199

It occurs to me that in the end the days that I assign this world mean nothing. You will call it something else maybe even the real day it is. April something. All it matters is in defining my life, my world.

With that thought in my head I leant out of a low window for an hour with them grasping at me. Then I ran as fast as I could through a path I had opened up.

I made it out and nearly clear, I didn't make the mistakes I did before. No fighting, just shoot and run.

This said; I lost them but annoyingly I am further away from the station right now because for some reason they wouldn't mass by the southern side of the school.

Regardless one more day and I'll be back. That I promise.

I hope you make another day

Day 198

Tried to get away today but after a couple of minutes losing ground to them I had to just retreat. I'm now down by about half my ammo and I've achieved very little in doing so.

I hope you make another day

Day 197

I'm still stuck in the building and it's grinding at me now. I'm tempted to make just a break for it... But annoyingly I can't report anything back to you.

I hope you make another day

Day 196

Still no change, they seem to be preempting my movements no matter how I change them.

I hope you make another day

Day 195

Light and dark this day has been, and ne'er could I have believed I've seen.
A thousand dead marching upon my stop, and only my hand could make them drop.
But ceaseless this is where'er I stand and for what is coming I could not have planned.
And there is only time betwixt me and death, so I must savour any sound, sight, breath.

Jeese, I haven't written a poem in so long that I'd forgotten the focus I get when I take the time to think of the words. Annoyingly, even though my view is good I haven't been able to acheive an escape. If I had a rifle I probably could clear a path, but with a shotgun it's not so easy. I have to be a lot closer, and frankly thats not easy. The short effective kill range isn't really ideal for enemies that like to bum-rush you.

I'm still thinking on it. Ideas anyone?

I hope you make another day

Day 194

The day today was mostly good. Replenished my water and found some crappy food that isn't quite off. Mostly biscuits past their best.

I haven't been able to move about a lot, but I have been able to recharge my electrics, so I am good to go.

Now to rid myself of the Rani watching me and get back home...

I hope you make another day

Day 193

So I'm not cramped any more which is nice. I noticed that the Rani were avoiding one side of the helicopter, so I used it to make my escape.

It wasn't the most fun of times as the rain has been intermittent today. I currently stand on the roof of Kingstone High school. Windows have been broken but it was deserted when I arrived.

It's annoying really as it means I have backtracked to that village again. I also now wonder why I took the long route to get here; sure it was potentially easier to access the site, but it also proved to be more dangerous. Regardless whatever has happened has happened, all I can change is the future really.

The Rani followed me most of the way but they can't get me here at least for now. Problem is I'm not exactly outfitted for a night outside.

Sam is still unable to get to me as well, so for now, we are both alone. Both painfully knowing where the other is.

I hope you make another day

Day 192

Somehow I have to make a move from here very soon. I only have one day's food ration left. No water but a bottle of Coke which isn't awesome for thirst quenching...

Hopefully a better perspective tomorrow.

I hope you make another day

Day 191

It appears to be the day that daylight saving time changes the clocks again. Lost an hour according to my laptop.

I got bored today so I counted the shell casings. Currently I have disposed of or severely damaged 247 Rani. The awful smell seems to enforce that guess.

Still no further on the escape front though.

I hope you make another day

Day 190

Same again. Tedium, tedium... Funny though, who would think that I would fine shooting Rani in real life boring. Ignoring the thrill in the instance the dread and horror still fills me alongside it which is weird...

As battery is still restricted I will post short things until safe.

I hope you make another day

Day 189

The heat was almost unbearable in the helicopter today. Firing the gun made it seem warmer. I know it wouldn't have made it much worse but psychologically it did.

Again not much has happened. I'm getting through Rani reasonably fast though it is making a pile of smell by my window. Sam reports she is getting rid of a number of them also.

I hope you make another day

Day 188

I apologize again but not a lot to report. I haven't a lot of food or water so I'm trying to sleep as much as I can in the vain hope to get more time out of what I have...

I hope you make another day

Day 187

It seems I have not been sleeping enough, today I slept easily 15 hours. It may also have something to do with the restlessness I have knowing that the Rani are there. Anything to a thousand eyes are staring unblinking at me.

My head is not really clear enough today to talk much but there is news.

I searched the helicopter in full today and then the pilot, then soldier. I found one item that interests me and I've put it safely. A fragmentation grenade. My last stand is going to be dangerous for anything near me it seems. Sadly I failed to find any more of them, they would be good to clear large numbers; at the very least they would severely handicap the Rani, I guess even reducing the number of arms or legs they have is enough to save a life. I hope the shock-wave of this thing will cause a large number to stumble, but as I only have one, it is not exactly something I can test right now.

So for now adieu

I hope you make another day

Day 186

I realised last night that I've been stupid. I've relied on luck so much to get through that I slip up time and time again. And either myself or Sam gets injured.

Getting myself hurt is punishment in itself, but I have no right to take the same risks with my partner in arms. To lose her is losing a part of myself. The part that smiles most.

I also realise I have been putting things off that could seem important. Like Day 4. So in the risk I die before I finish it. A summary:

After last post, Day 4

We moved around some more. Stopped and had a drink.

After I finished my sip I passed to others and they didn't drink just screwed up the cap. Very shortly I felt drowsy. I fell to my knees and they signalled Charlie to move over with saying "Your turn". She stepped up and took out a knife which teemed with blood. I realised their purpose and all their shadiness flowed into a realisation. 'Bastards' I managed. Their laughs echoed through my ears getting louder before suddenly stopping.

She knelt and thrust the knife into my chest. I felt winded and looked down. From the angle of the others, they couldn't see she only sliced the surface slightly. It dawned on me: the blood on the knife was mine from the sink and surroundings. She had kept it hidden from them as she unsheathed it. She meant to save me. I looked in shock at her and her face pleaded to me to play dead. The wound wasn't small, just not deep. It flowed freely and I played dead, or more accurately, dying. They took all my stuff except my clothes.

When I woke they were gone. I didn't know what time it was with no watch. I just had a note grasped in my hand tainted in blood, which I still have. "Forgive me, please live".

I tried to figure out what to do then I remembered that most of my stuff was based in that house with the family. The other direction to which they had been heading. I knew I had to bandage up quick but I also knew I had to get away so they couldn't find me again.

That is the shortest summary of Day 4 I can do. It misses out their tricks and me getting back to the house, and how I avoided the Rani, discovering their inability to see you when you stand still in the dark. It is also why I half wanted a confrontation with them when their van was stuck. I shot the Rani with the air rifle back then for none other than Charlie. I hope she is still alive. I hope I meet them again to get her out and take all important to them.

Tomorrow: Day 5 in full.

Today I have been preparing, as well as opening the pilot window and getting rid of a few of the Rani.

Nothing else to report other than Sam says she is safe still and getting rid of a few Rani, though she confirms the worst: there are obviously hundreds.

Oh well. Another day at the end of the world. Nothing new.

I hope you make another day

Day 185

Today didn't go well. It seems the Rani found a way in. Maybe the fence just couldn't stand it anymore.

I was just waking up and going for my morning check when I saw a dozen or so running towards me. At first I couldn't believe it. I thought I had finally snapped. I brought up my pistol and fired a few shots. All hit the horde and my heart sank. I ran blindly into the main building.

In town this barely affected me. Street, street, street, house with entrance and exit. The moment I went into that building I essentially cut myself off from everything.

I turned occasionally turned around to see and found that they were catching up. I made a corner then another, ran into a room and retched. Upon all flukes this was up there. I had found the room filled with our former captors. I made for the window and dived head first as the Rani slammed into the door frame. When I picked myself up I saw they were distracted. At least on one front I had bought myself some time. As I moved on round the outside more came. I couldn't count. I saw one fall in a spray of red, then another and realised Sam was up on the dishes building roof. I looked to find a way there but I was cut off completely. The van was parked near there so that was out. I sighed half expecting my death, but then I remembered a tiny point. Well three points.

I ran to one of the emergency exits, heading towards the helicopters on the land there. Hoping upon hope that the Rani there were making their way round to the entrance they had made. I heard Sam shouting she would be okay and to get out. But I worried none the less in case it was the last I would ever see of her.

In fact a few stragglers remained at the gate but the last few shots from my pistol took care of them.

The last stretch felt like an eternity but I stepped in to the closest one pulling the lifeless body of some poor soldier in with me and sliding the door shut.

The Rani poured up to it but couldn't get through. After a while I heard a beep and remembered I had my bag on me. I looked through to see my phone flashing the name SAM. My first message for about 6 months. Annoyingly this reminded me my walkie was inside the building

"You make it?"

I checked my signal but there wasn't enough to call so I replied "Just. You safe?"

A red dot appeared on the window and moved around a lot then another beep. "Up top. Down is safe but wanted to check."

"I'm okay. Pistol empty. Will check heli."

I rummaged and found a useful tool another walkie like I got on Day 1. I clicked it on and text. A few minutes later I heard her exasperated voice. "Please say you are really okay. I don't want to be alone"

"I'm okay Sam, really. No cuts, no bruises. Do me a favour and check any traps you can see, but don't leave that place and barricade the doors with whatever you can"

"Okay, I'll do that now"

"Also I will be turning this off for now as I don't know how much power it has and I can't charge it. Text if you need anything."

"Okay, take care"

"Sam, you too. I will get back to you as soon as I can"

I spent the rest of the day looking about and I found a few useful things. Kevlar vest. A couple of helmets. A SPAS shotgun and, which made me smile, a crate of shells. An actual crate of ammo. Definitely escape-van worthy. It made me want to find out what is in the other two.

However a worrying issue. The soldier dead on the door and the pilot were both shot in the head. Considering the pilots position and no bullet hole. He was either moved or killed there. Regardless People know about this place. Though they may be dead now...

But for now another lesson. Don't leave any safe house, even if you are only going to an area that is 'mostly safe' unless you are fully armed. A pistol with one clip doesn't count.

Oddly the seats in the copter feel comfortable to sleep on.

I hope you make another day

Day 184

Sam has been quiet the past few days so I have been more concerned with making sure she is okay than with doing things myself. I'd apologise for this but in this case some things are more important than the daily happenings

I hope you make another day

Day 183

The moon tonight is noticeably different. Firstly it has a yellow tint, and secondly it is substantially bigger. It actually fits against the world; it is a shame that I doubt it shall remain like that. But still the Rani seem oblivious.

I hope you make another day

Day 182

When the moon used to get this bright and clear I used to worry that werewolves would get me. I am merely a product of the television generation.

Standing on the roof of one of the dishes, staring at the Rani vaguely lit by only the moon, I get chills and it clouds my mind. Their eyes seem to glow; reflecting all that is from above. An echo from their former lives? Brightness; a symbol of hope. But in truth? I really think there is nothing of them left. Their lifeless eyes see nothing but food...

I hope you make another day

Day 181

And it broke. It's not much but it's raining. Not that it affects the Rani. They just stand and stare, like they always do. Rattle, grumble, stare. It used to infuriate me and that still hasn't changed. I would shout for them to quieten, but their response is predictable. Rattle, grumble, stare.

Nothing to report.

I hope you make another day

Day 180

The weather still holds. As do the fences. As do we.

More plans are in the motion for traps to ensnare the Rani. We don't overly want them dangerous in the case that any further survivors were ever to come here.

I hope you make another day

Day 179

The world felt heavy today, as if it was going to rain. Somehow it held out. It once again echoes my state of mind. So close to breaking, but not quite yet. They say to write what you know when you run out of things to say and that is all I know right now.

Sorry but nothing to report.

I hope you make another day

Day 178

The greatest philosophers in existence could only guess as to what life really was. Most came up with interesting theories like we only perceive life based upon what is around us, and not what is all around the universe, and we can't help but do that. (see Plato's Cave) Obviously that is just a rough idea of it.

So how were we supposed to figure out what we wanted from life, or indeed what the purpose of it was supposed to be?

Now faced with a world torn asunder (as they used to say), how are we supposed to make that same choice? Because in the end it means all life is is death and survival. Death of friends; your survival. Your death; Rani survival. There is no higher purpose. No lower cost for our sanity. Conversations which once had merit now hold nothing but dust. I still find myself gripping on in hope to those discussions of the future, but all the future holds is more of the same. It doesn't make me want to live it any less, but it does take the excitement out of it quite a lot.

I don't know if I've said, but distractions are good. They remind me of my life, and who I am. They make me regret a lot, but at the same time they allow me to remember and focus on what I wanted and want. They make me remember that there is a chance.

To think: if my chance of surviving a day is based upon the survival of others it would mean I cannot calculate my chances correctly. But imagine a basic 1 in a million chance to survive any single day. this means that the chance to survive (I believe) 2 days is million x million. 3 days would be million x million x million. Making my chance to make it to this day exponentially huge. Correct written way I believe is 1000000x10(178). Even if I am wrong in that calculation it means I have had a 1 in 178million chance to make it to today. That kind of calculation is ridiculous but makes you realise the sheer scale of what we have achieved in making it so far. Especially when coupled with the situations we have found ourselves in.

It doesn't make it any less of a worry when looking to the future. Add to that the fact Sam's medication ran out about a week ago and she is trying to hide it from me... Things are going to get complicated shortly.

I hope you make another day

Day 177

Still nothing happening but for the Rani rattling the fence more and trying actually less to get in.

I hope you make another day

Day 176

Weather has been fluctuating a lot recently but nothing else to report.

I hope you make another day

Day 175

Again nothing happened. I would swear the Rani number has increased, but Sam is convinced that it hasn't.

I hope you make another day

Day 174

Other than a brief fall of rain about midday nothing interesting happened.

I hope you make another day

Day 173

Today threatened rain but it seemed to hold out just about.

I want to get things going but I can't seem to concentrate. I'm also not sleeping well. I can't tell if they are related or causative (and if so which way).

I need to try and sort this out. So another short post.

I hope you make another day

Day 172

Another day of inspections. Borders, traps, supplies, weapon readiness, van readiness. Back up plans e.g. getting to the helicopters and hiding in there.

Tired and not feeling really well.

I hope you make another day

Day 171

Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted. Albert Einstein.

I'm not completely sure why I thought of that today, it may have been upon waking and finding Sam still there tidying. It may have been when I saw the Rani and I gripped my gun tighter. It may have been when I remembered the gate. Or when I thought about my life and what I promise to do everyday: Make one more.

I've found the past few days I have been turning my phone on and checking it. Signal is still just about there. No new emails. No facebook updates. Not even any junk mail. Does the Apocalypse really mean no more 'Free V!agra here!1' and chances to transfer money for some Albanian Prince to his long lost obscure family member?

Most importantly. No missed calls. No texts waiting. No one left, at least none who think to contact me. My last text was the 1st September 2010. Did this happen so fast that no one had chances to say goodbye? Nostalgia is bad for the heart, even if it is good for the soul.

At the same time I just can't give up that last little bit of hope. There could be someone else out there. Someone from an ironically worse time that was filled with people I cared about.

As you can tell, nothing significant actually happened today.

I hope you make another day

Day 170

Another day of nothing. Well near enough. I don't really count setting traps as important until I've had chance to see if they actually work.

Hopefully I won't find out for a while.

I hope you make another day

Day 169

Another day of target practice and searching the last few semi-hidden places on site. We now have about 5 or so backup retreats if things go sour.

Hopefully I'll be able to talk more later.

I hope you make another day

Day 168

Another day wandering the border and deciding on our escape route and emergency plan. It's still pretty vague as it all depends on what makes us need to escape.

Nothing much to report again.

I hope you make another day

Day 167

The number of Rani seems to have reached critical mass and they also seem to not be trying as much to get through. I actually feel a little disappointed in this which is strange... A half-assed Rani? It just freaks me out a bit if I'm honest.

I installed a box (i.e. screwed it down) into the van which I've put food in that won't perish fast and I attached a bit more in the way of panelling to the back so that can't be opened easily from the outside. Other than that I haven't really achieved anything today.

I hope you make another day

Day 166

Although it has been a little colder recently I can't stop thinking about how people would cope in colder places in the same situation. And more to the point, what about people who don't have access to such things as we have (weapons, secure places)

Another patrol of the border along with rechecking our supplies which it appears wereactually running a little bit down so we restocked them from the canteen where we could.

That took a surprising amount of energy and with my stiffness it still shows that I haven't full recovered from my injuries.

I hope you make another day

Day 165

Today I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Sam was trying to record me with my camera. I'm not sure what she was trying to establish by doing so but I'm letting her get away with it this time.

We managed to find some welders on site which were probably used for tougher repairs than we used them for but needless to say I've burnt myself a few times and the van doesn't exactly look pretty.

We're also toying with the idea that the doors can't be opened from the outside. Obviously this is risky but it means it is less likely to get damaged or broken into.

Regardless I am tired tonight.

I hope you make another day

Day 164

A day spent checking the border again. For safety's sake I don't want to have any damage unknown for them just waltzing in

Day 4

Soon enough the rest of the group walked in threw some food towards me. A pack of crisps was hardly enough, but I didn't know how much they had; it could well be rationing.

They ushered her out and left me alone as I ate. I shortly realised that the food I was eating I hated. Cheese and onion crisps leave a foul taste in my mouth but I was hungry, so I ate.

Suddenly I felt my arm itch. I took my tops off and for the first time I realised what I had gone through. I could hardly believe I hadn't noticed before. My sleeves were worn through and bloodstained. Scratches lay along my arms and they looked pale. I had a new reason for my bleariness: blood loss. I made my way to a bathroom downstairs and clicked on the light above the basin.

My face was drained and my hands shook more than I was used to. I had scratches down one side of my face which I couldn't place to an event. I still can't. I was bruised beyond that but my concern were injuries on my arms. I washed them not even feeling them sting and I must have just fazed out. The next thing I remember was someone calling my name, cursing, a questioning whisper, then the door opening.  Matthew pulled me out but I broke free and went back in to finish cleaning the sink. In hindsight if the water was polluted I would have probably turned then, but from what we can tell we cannot be converted that way.

I felt his presence behind me, knowing he wasn't impressed then I heard another move beside him and call to me. All I remember replying was "In a minute. Just wait." I finally finished and towelled off my wounds accidentally rubbing off some scabbing scratches. I replaced my tops and turned to them. They motioned their heads and walked to the front room. I took a look at my watch, my elbows felt like they were getting wet against the bloodied and still damp jumper I had on. 5.30am.

--

I hope you make another day

Day 163

We spent most of today trying to attach the panels to the van. I haven't the patience to type much here. I will speak more about Day 4 tomorrow however.

I hope you make another day

Day 162

The weather was off and on again a lot today. Rain then sun, but annoyingly it stayed cold and we weren't doing enough to stay outside for ages. So, to compensate for the reduction in size of these blogs:

Day 4

I still remember it so clearly. The sky was still overcast, but the thin level of fog that I hadn't noticed was retracting into the far reaches of darkness. The bleariness of my lack of sleep was draining from me as a small amount of anxiety seeped in. These people, of whom I had trusted so openly, were hiding something.

Before long I realised I was unfamiliar with the surroundings. They had moved onto the newest section of Belmont. The issue here was that I hadn't actually been there. There wasn't too much in the way of a problem in hindsight because I could simply keep going and I'd hit a dead end or find a place I knew. But I panicked all the same.

At 4am we stopped outside a house. 'Gar' moved towards it and broke the door down. Steven followed him in and before long they called out to come in.

We made ourselves at home sitting on someone else's property with the curtains drawn trying to watch anything that still broadcasted. I didn't realise until some time later that everyone was out of the room but for Charlie.

"So, how did you all meet then?" I didn't really want to make conversation. I needed to let the world sink in a little, but I thought it best to have a good rapport from the start.

She took a breath and paused the television. "We all come from the same street. When it started I saw Karen get attacked and Denis was trying to save her. Steven came running out to help and before I knew it I was there too. We checked the street and we were the only ones there. Stuck like glue since ya know?" She paused as if contemplating if she should ask a question herself then, "What about you? Been alone since it began?"

"Sort of. I was attacked before it all started, you know the thing the day before? I was the one trying to save my friend... One the day itself? Alone in my house with my dog. I came down went up and when I came back down there was one there and I ran." At that point I realised my radio from Scott was back at the house, I felt stupid so I left it out "I found one person who died shortly after, and another at the medical center who threatened to kill me. I haven't had the best luck with finding companionship." I laughed at the realisation of something; "Funny though that I am complaining that I haven't been able to find good friends when I've survived so far by my own skills and instinct."

She smiled, honestly, and said "I can't say any of us here could survive alone, but it's good to know you can for future reference." She appeared to pause then stopped completely, apparently not wanting to carry on speaking.

--

I hope you make another day

Day 161

The weather hasn't been that great today so I spent most of it rummaging in the storeroom in attempts to find good enough stuff to renforce the van. Found some spare panels for servers. Sam found some spare fencing for patching holes.

Didn't achieve anything in particular today annoyingly.

I hope you make another day

Day 160

Today started slightly bleary but by the end it was bright and cheerful, it even had a sunset that was beautiful.

On top of that? I found the keys to the van (in one of the 'empty' rooms near our captive spots), and upon opening the door I could but exclaim "oh boy"

An imprint of one of the units inside read "M.R.U." or mobile reporting unit. Not exactly the most enthralling title, but it works. Better than that it runs on petrol and even has a portable generator in it. I managed to turn it on and it was simply amazing.

It already has some preset frequencies on it which it can both receive and broadcast on. From the notes inside it was brought in to be repaired, or at least assessed as it didn't seem to be able to connect very fast, or well, for live reporting.

Thing is I wouldn't necessarily need it for that. I could simply record and broadcast a repeating message. The only issue is trying to get it tied into television. It would need an inside source. I suppose I could try to get to an outlet somewhere or try and get it to work on radio frequencies, but I really don't know much about this sort of technology. What I've just said could well be impossible to achieve with this equipment. At the same time, I could be selling it short... I hope anyway

I hope you make another day

Day 159

It is too easy to become desensitised to the killing of these things. Though they look like me, they are different enough that I don't have a knot in my chest when I shoot. I found this when I first shot one. Shooting the men inside or the bloodlusted man in the village hurt me deep in. It is strange because I forgive the Rani more than the people for what they are doing and have done. I guess they are just animals to me now who cannot do any differently...

Failed to find any keys today, which means I'm going to have to go into the area where the dead currently are. Lets just say the smell isn't pretty and I don't want to have to relive another bad day. Day 4 still outweighs it, but at least I don't have visual reminders of it all the time.

I hope you make another day

Day 158

I took a quick look at the van today. It appears recently repainted and annoyingly locked. I will soon be inside exploring but I don't want to break anything in case we need it later.

Also from examining the site I can't find a better vehicle to use to get out,  though I may apply some extra things to it if I can.

We are slowly getting through our stock of ammo, but we are pretty much sticking to one bullet per Rani so we should last a while yet. It does mean we are going to have to make it to the helicopters or make a return trip to the SAS camp to restock. I personally don't like the idea of that as they will be much better secure in themselves now, if indeed they are still there.

I hope you make another day

Day 157

The weather appears to be taking a turn for the worst again but it didn't distract me from climbing one of the dishes to sit for a while.

The view is quite astounding as there is nothing taller close by. I used my sniper's scope to have a proper look around. The number of Rani is far too much to safely get out. We're going to have to prepare an escape. My money is on a van or something just to get far enough away from them considering the road near here is clear. The one that caught my eye springs to mind.

At the same time I don't want to leave those helicopters there. I just can't get over the nagging feeling that there is something important there.

I hope you make another day

Day 156

I spent today practicing longer shots with the sniper rifle. I can't see a better time to practice than what we have here. Nothing special to report sadly.

I hope you make another day

Day 155

The weather was a bit dismal today but I took the time to practice with the bow we have been carrying around as excess weight. Sam fired a few shots with the air rifle too. I practiced on trees mainly to save the arrows but when it came to practicing our aim with guns we used the Rani as practice.

I've learnt how to adjust the sights correctly on most weapons now and I can get kill shots up to 50 metres or so and then intermittently after that. Unsurprisingly Sam is better than me in shots, as she has always been. She manages about 75 metres before faltering. I like to blame my glasses.

Standing on one of the roofs today though I was reminded of the day we actually met pretty much 6months ago. Are we even those people anymore? When I asked Sam she replied that 'I remember it through my eyes, so I guess so. I'm just less scared now than I used to be. I still miss people sometimes, but I'm not alone so I mostly forget'.

I suppose it is true. we're forgetting. I cannot even remember peoples faces properly now, let alone their voices. Try not to forget a while longer people. Things might yet change.

I hope you make another day

Day 154

The Rani numbers at the fences have become an epidemic, which is ironic really.

We're going to have to thin the numbers down mainly because the forward force of such a number will definitely damage the fences to a point of them getting inside which is something we don't want.

I had a better look from one of the dishes at the helicopters. There appears to be a number of items left inside them which raises my curiosity further.

I hope you make another day

Day 153

Having the day off yesterday seemed to have fixed something between us. Today we spent most of the time talking. It ruined the searching for today, but it's good to rest, and better to be reminded of what we had before.

Our lives change daily, but it is nice to know we are still nearly the same as when we met. Though Sam is a better shot than me now.

I hope you make another day

Day 152

We had a day off of sorts today. Instead of trying to find our way to more faux safety we just walked around a little and avoided the area we were captured.

Over the last couple of days I haven't mentioned, but I have managed to find all the odds and sods that were missing from our gear when we caught. I think there may be more there but I really don't want to go there just yet.

We still have so many questions about what has happened, but as yet, we haven't found answers. That is why those helicopters are so important. Even if they hold one piece of information it is information we need to know. Eventually the truth needs to be known by all, even if we two are the only ones left.

I hope you make another day

Day 151

The weather hasn't been great today, but I did bring myself to shoot at one of the Rani.

Sam's point from a couple of days ago? The Rani didn't turn to eat it. They are too concerned with getting in. This worries me as I have never seen them too focused to forgo their fallen brothers, I wonder if they have changed priorities, or maybe they just don't interest each other enough.

I hope you make another day

Day 150

I hoped for more, but the I can only just get the system to work. Something someone did to it has damaged it too much to pick much up. I was only able to connect to five frequencies but there was nothing but static there so I couldn't tell you which they were. Tomorrow I begin the exploration of points of interest.

Still no change on the Rani front. Sam said today that she didn't notice any extras.

I hope you make another day

Day 149

I attempted to get the system working properly but to no avail. One more day then I can't see any point in carrying on with it.

Other than that Sam reports Rani numbers are up by a dozen or so by the front gates. She took one out with my sniper rifle and says I need to tomorrow to see how they actually react.

I hope you make another day

Day 148

So we completed what will enivitably be the first of many checks of the border today. Hopefully when fighting fit we will be able to move faster.

On our walks we have discovered two things that catch our eye. One is a van near one of the buildings that is a bit out of place. Most likely it is one of the vans used by the former occupants here but it is still on the list to check when we have the time. The other is the number of military helicopters hidden away on the old airfield. It would seem the military saw value here shortly. It makes sense as the site is, as far as I am aware, the only fully fenced and secured area other than the camp.

The issue is that Rani occupy the field there and all paths to it so ideally we need to get there after we have led the Rani elsewhere somehow... I doubt anyone would be alive there, but there would be equipment that people wouldn't be able to shift easily. It could be one item or a dozen. Regardless an opportunity like this doesn't come up often. I'm not stupid enough to try to even think about hot-wiring one and flying it away. I'm more likely to crash it than take off.

Before that though I have to finish making the system work again inside like I had originally intended. In hindsight the specifics of it aren't that special. As simple as I can explain it; it is a room to monitor digital signals by which I mean those of TV frequencies. I intend to check all I can which will be all the unencrypted channels, and hopefully I can get some kind of footage that shows others are alive in other countries, so for the readers abroad; there may be hope.

It occurred to me today, and I feel stupid, there is a radio station in town that I could have gotten into and broadcasted a message to people. It is now a note for myself to remember.

I hope you make another day

Day 147

I had a dream last night in which I only felt rage. Severe rage towards something I couldn't reach but I must have. Though as hard as I think back to it, I just cannot think of why I had to have it.

Looking at the Rani I wonder; was that another thought of theirs?

That thought clouded my mind today as we walked along most of the inner border. Another day and the issue of not knowing the number of Rani surrounding us will be over.

I hope you make another day

Day 146

It rained a little, but slowly we scouted a small amount of the border fence. Rani encroach on that side too.

We are going to have to take a serious thought about what we are going to need to do here.

I hope you make another day

Day 145

Not a lot happened today. Sam sat with me as I tried to see anything important in what the Rani do. She picked out the same things as I have done.

She has suggested however looking at the other borders of the site as we haven't really assessed if they are completely secure, it may also let us see if there is anything of value there to learn. I know I have my plan, but right now I'd rather learn more about these things in a safe environment.

I hope you make another day

Day 144

As today was a bright day, though cold, I have made some more notes.

Interestingly the Rani have started to band together. There are noticeable thinnings of the horde they make. These points center around areas I can't see as being any good to them. One of which is the gatehouse.

I was wondering if they group around 'leaders' or potential/beginning Screamers. This is the most logical conclusion I can make; of course the proof is only viable if they break through and I can remember what these 'leader' Rani look like.

I will admit I threw a couple of stones at them to test their reaction. Interestingly even though I did it from blind cover they looked right at me. I used a mirror to see where they looked and they didn't look at the mirror at all, even for a second.

The Rani seem to come in all sizes still. The larger ones haven't lost weight as time as gone on; further hinting at the whole idea that they don't degenerate. Though arguably the smaller ones would be easiest and first to show this as more significant parts would disintegrate faster.

The rest of the pages today are covered with general Rani pictures. Including Rani Vs Z-word's from films. And a flick book that I've been working on since the start. It's going quite well. I'm on page 10 now. Don't complain, I haven't had the time recently.

Dawn of the dead (original obviously) lose, but 28 days later is the winner right now with their infection rate. I don't think the I Am Legend ones count as they aren't really zombies in the normal sense, as their state is reversible.

I have been considering reducing the number of Rani at our border but I'm not convinced that is a good idea. Guns would certainly bring more of them, and the stench of the rotting dead undead isn't pleasant. I suppose I could use the time to test to see how effective different methods are for disposing of them... Fire would be interesting, but at the same time that little part of me says no just in case they retain even the smallest part of humanity...

And yes I do appear to be more nonchalant than usual but in truth I am as I always am. I guess I just feel a little safer and less hurt right now.

I hope you make another day

Day 143

Little to say again. It was really windy last night and the rain didn't pack in until mid morning. I took a look at the Rani and still they stood trying to get in. Luckily they don't seem to have figured it out yet, which is good for our recovery.

I hope you make another day

Day 142

I don't know why but today it really hit me, I guess I was thinking about it too much.

Everyone is dead. All that I have and all I did before the end is worth nothing. Any friends I made, all those good deeds, all those bad ones. As crappy a metaphor as it is, it was just like drawing on an etch-a-sketch before cleaning it off.

I know I've said it in passing but I've never really felt that bad about it; that I made it through when my family and all those I've ever cared about have died. I may even have killed one of them without realising.

Looking back at it I get the feeling I wasn't just protecting myself from it all. It is the new way of life. I guess it is like living in a world where we haven't risen to the top of the food chain and a world we aren't nearly immortal. There are things out there that outnumber us when even one of them can get us.

We kill, we move on. We kill, we move on. That is all I have done since being here. A cycle I hate due to it's diminishing effects of my soul. It is would be a perfect metaphor for depression if it were not real: we end up destroying more and more of our own world and corrupting ourselves and others, until the last few who believe in life still are just flickers amongst the darkness.

We kill. We move on. I'll keep doing it until I die. If we are the last alive yet to be converted, then so be it; humanity was supposed to die in that case and all I will be doing is getting rid of the fragments left within each Rani.

Sam says not to lose faith. Out of over 6 billion people, we can't be the last ones. It just wouldn't make sense. We're not exactly the epitome of humanity, so those better than us will make it too. But I'm not so sure. Wouldn't our circumstances define us also? The best locked in a room at the start of this would stand less of a chance than me up that tree on Day 1. But enough! Too many days have already passed and we should have grieved in that time. I will not again.

I hope you make another day

Day 141

Nothing to report again. I was too tired today to do much of anything so I apologize for that.

I hope you make another day

Day 140

Not much to report today.

I still ache, and it was very windy outside which made me want to stay indoors. I didn't particularly want to have gales pressing against my chest as it is.

I did however have a quick look at the Rani situation. It's not great. There is a huge amount by the front gates and I would guess more at the others.

I'm thinking when the time comes to escape we're going to have to take a car or one of the vans and see how far we get... I just had an idea for escape, but it's another thing I'll keep quite for now.

I hope you make another day

Day 139

The weather was changeable today. Mostly dim, but the sun broke through for about an hour, shortly followed by wind and rain.

My breathing hasn't yet improved and I spent the majority of today testing to see what parts of me were actually broken and what were just injured. I gave up when I got to my third rib. Best I can tell is my arms and legs are fine, my head is also. I have at least 3 ribs injured, but most likely more. From the touch they were cracked but in place. A really light touch across the rest of my chest shows that none are outwards and I don't think inwards, though that isn't really a reliable test if we're honest.

Sam's mobile again; she left about 8 and came back about 4. I watched her most of the day worrying she was going to run or do something stupid, but she didn't. Though arguably staying with me is stupid...

I'm still thinking about what to do next if my plan here doesn't succeed. The thinking did nothing but made me feel tired...

I hope you make another day

Day 138

Today started out well but as time has gone on it was ruined by the rain.

I slept better last night, possibly due to the low hum of the Rani in the background. When I got up, I climbed the steps to one of the roofs and sat down in my thermals to watch the day and take notes. It was probably too warm for me but better warm than cold in my condition.

The aim was to be more productive than yesterday and not just stare at the Rani. I made about 2 hours of notes about any quirks I saw in them and tallied up what was common.

It's not conclusive but I would say that there are a few things that carry between them. A jerking motion of limbs including the head, almost as if some one has grabbed them and pulled hard suddenly; strangely this doesn't seem to shift their balance, so I would say they are fully prepared for it somehow. This could be good if you are hidden from them and you figure out a rhythm; each one seems to have a rough time it will keep to, some vary by a second some vary by a minute. I'm not saying it is overly frequent either, most have about 5 or so minutes between them.

Another thing I noticed is they appear to try to work directly at the same goals, so much so they are actually helping each other achieve it, like at each weak chain in the fence one will grab on and shortly after more will copy, sometimes almost instantly.

I would have more conclusive notes if I had more time but Sam wandered out and sat next to me and started talking about things. I think she's trying to forget but isn't sure how. But it's good to know I am able to comfort her as she soon fell asleep with her head on my shoulder.

That's all for today.

I hope you make another day

Day 137

I'm not sure if the pain isn't there as much or I'm just pushing through it more, but regardless I am doing my best to move about. Thinking about it, it may be down to the excessive paracetamol i have been taking, though it is true that in each breath I take I wince a little. I reckon broken ribs, especially from running my fingers across them, luckily they don't seem to be too far gone; more cracked than disjointed, but I'm going to have to be careful and hope they heal well, but I'm wikipedia'ing and the rest to see recovery times, it's not particularly promising.

Sam hasn't spoken much still, she is writing and scribbling a lot in her book though, which she hasn't done for ages. We relocated to a 'better' safehouse. It's not really, but with the backup I have we can stay safe even if the Rani do break in.

I found my glasses on a quick attempt. My guess was right, when I was knocked unconscious they either fell off or were pulled off and left, this now means I can see clearly during the day which is nice.

I spent quite a bit of time staring at the Rani at the gatehouse today. A few noticed me but the majority of them seemed more interested in looking around at a way out. It's still cold but a cup of tea, even with re-hydrated milk, in a Thermos made the day pass quickly.

I wouldn't say I have a kinship with the Rani but I understand them a bit better from my imprisonment. They act on an instinct they have to sound, and it's relation to food. It's like Pavlov's dogs. Quite astoundingly so. I have to keep reminding myself that these are very rabid dogs, but it's easy just to forget now. They've been a part of my life so long that they almost seem like family, which makes me feel sick and uneasy.

I hope you make another day

Day 136

It's really getting cold again, I'm glad we have heating and aren't having to hide in the loft just yet.

The only problem is I saw Rani making their way down the road while I was trying to stretch myself. They won't be able to get in easily, but with how our encounters have been; I doubt they will be kept out for long.

I'd best rest up as much as I can now. 'Heck I might even take the time to write a book...

I hope you make another day

Day 135

Good news is that my left eye's swelling has gone down a little bit and I am used to the pain I am in enough to move about when I need to, although I probably shouldn't. Bad news is that I've just remembered that I actually left the majority of our 'emergency' equipment which includes things we wanted to keep on us regardless. I also haven't found my glasses yet. I am wondering if they are on the floor somewhere near where they knocked me unconscious. It will still be days until I am able to go back in there (of course assuming I don't have internal injuries that kill me), this means that the smell will be excessively foul, but at least it will give me a chance to put up warnings about it and say why they were killed.

I sort of don't want to have to go back, but if I don't Sam will have to, so there's not much choice in that area.

I hope you make another day

Day 134

Another day has passed and I'm feeling worse than before. It hurts just to type this. I spent all today laying down until the desperation to go to the toilet grew to be too much. Even then I came straight back to lie down.

This is going to be a painful recovery.

I hope you make another day

Day 133

I haven't done much today. I made Sam eat a bit then left her alone. I ate a bit and just prepared the softest clothing across the floor so I could lay on it.

I can barely get myself to move and even when I don't I am in agony, but I thought I'd best post here a short message. The more I think about it the more I think that it wasn't only fear driving me over the last few days it was the pain I was in and knowing that Sam was going through worse.

I can only hope I am able to move properly in the next few days and that Sam will be okay in the next few days, or at least to some semblance of okay.

I hope you make another day

Day 132

To say 'it went badly would be an understatement' would, in itself, be an understatement.

The last few days have quite possibly been the worse I've ever experienced, and even more so for Sam who has been crying inconsolably since we got away. I don't think there is a way back from what we lived through. I have lost what remained of my faith in humanity. Forget Day 4 where they stabbed me in the back (literally) and robbed me blind. The only reason I survived there was because the one they chose to kill me couldn't bring herself to do it, so she faked it and I played along. That day I was glad that I had left some things behind. This time I wish I'd left her behind. Though thinking of Day 4, I suppose it made me able to cope with the past few days, and able to do what I did...

The only good that has come of this is that we know water is safe to drink (of course we don't know if it will be contaminated at the source or not, but at this point, I care very little.)

The easiest way to describe what happened is to break it down by day.

Day 128

We got up at the now usual time of 6am. Still carrying the minimum of equipment we could we prepared for the full sweep of the site. We didn't know if it would take hours or days, but we went about it in our usual humour-filled way. Sarcasm, sly comments and innuendo.

Silence fell upon us when we left the safe confines of our hiding place. Even with our attitudes to life, we knew how serious this all was.

We reached the doors to enter the building and I used the card. With rifles raised we started moving room to room, making sure it was clear. In hindsight it was flawed from the start. Assuming people knew we were there, they could leave one side of the building and enter behind us, which I think is what they would have done.

As we began to cover areas we hadn't passed through before, we decided to slow down. Unfamiliar territory rousing new fears in us I guess. As we passed through a third room (full of servers, not that it means much in that place) I paused after thinking I had heard a noise. I turned to ask Sam if she did. She wasn't there. Just nothing, just an empty corridor. My heart not only leapt to my throat, but I felt it running a dozen times too fast. In that same instant a searing pain breached the back of my head and everything became distant. Then black.

Day ???

I woke up. My eyes wouldn't focus. I quickly realised that it was because my glasses were elsewhere. My hands were bound behind me. As were my legs. I was bricking it to say the least.

I wanted to move, but my neck hurt so much, most likely from the attack that brought me down. I just stayed still, and my neck felt better. I passed out again.

Day 129

"Wakey wakey boy" a sentence that will haunt me forever more. I woke to this alongside having water sprayed at me from a hose.

The apparent residents of the station, surprisingly, were not friendly. Sarcasm doesn't work well in written format, so I will inform you that sentence was sarcastic, emphasis on the surprisingly.

Following the wake up they threw questions at me like where I was from. Where'd I get 'these neat guns', to which they pointed them at me and fired them with impacts just inches from me, spraying me with fragments of the flooring. They then laughed. Annoyingly this is just what I had originally expected from the Dodge guys; though it turned out they were more for killing, I should count myself lucky I guess. I answered them each time hoping they'd let me go. Then they started asking about Sam. Each time I refused to answer. Eventually they got bored, and pulled a fire hose from outside through a window and sprayed me. I passed out.

I woke shortly later and found myself sat in a chair and tied to it. It was like some horror film. I shuddered as I remembered ‘Saw’.

One of them came in and I braced myself to be attacked. He pulled my head back and poured what tasted like porridge down my throat as I choked. Followed by water that was obviously from a tap, namely one that hadn't been cleaned in a while. I hoped to God that it wasn't from the toilet they used as a sick joke. Then without a word he left the room. I was left breathing heavy spitting the remains of my breakfast on the floor. They wanted me alive for at least a while longer.

With nothing to do, time passed slowly. I was able to count the seconds with the aid of a ticking noise I assumed to be a clock. At the very least the ticks were about a second apart, but I've never been good at time keeping internally so I could have been wrong.

The room was almost completely black save for the tiny amount of light coming through the small window round a corner so much so I couldn't see it. It left the room in what would be a twilight for most people. Adding in the fact I can see less than a foot ahead of me without my glasses, it meant I could see nothing.

After trying for what I reckoned was an hour to see what was in the room I gave up. All I knew was I was in the middle of a space in the room. Which helped me achieve exactly diddly-squat.

As I sat in silence any noise that occurred nearby I became aware of. I heard them talking, though I could never catch what they were saying.

I sat alone then counting the seconds. Hoping to hear something about Sam other than their questions.

Hours later a group came in and started asking me about random things, covering a lot of questions they already had. They randomly added in questions about Sam, which again I refused to answer. After a while I just refused to answer at all. Their response was pretty much the same as it had been previously. The speaker pummelled my chest as hard as he could, then pushed the chair to the ground. They then took turns to kick and stamp on me. I passed out very quickly.

Day ???

I woke and most of my body ached. The chair was still on it's side and I was lying in a small pool of my own blood. I felt as if only one eye was open, but with how dark it was I just couldn't tell. I drifted in and out of consciousness. And each time it felt as if I was very far away.

Day 130

I woke to her screams, and very suddenly, I felt everything again. Clarity has never been so painful to me. I could hear her over everything, which included them firing our guns occasionally without the silencers, and the laughter of them all. Those idiots would draw the Rani here on top of our torture? My mind clouded with fury. I finally started to try breaking the ropes I was tied to.

I heard steps outside and I stopped. My daily food I guessed. He walked in and paused. He walked behind me and put the food on something (I heard a clang when he did). He then lifted me up and pulled back my head. The same porridge and water combo. I choked and lost less this time.

As he left the room after 'feeding' me I managed to speak; "When I get out of here. I will kill you. I promise I will kill you all"

He paused and turned. In the light he stood in I saw him smile "No, you won't kid. You haven't the balls." He walked out. I didn't dwell upon what he said or thought was funny. I started moving my hands back and forth in the vain hope I would get free.

Her screams carried on, with the occasional pause, until they dimmed to whimpers.

It dawned on me that if I got free it wouldn't help unless I could catch them off guard. A time they would be doing other things. I hoped that the morning would bring the same as this day, simply so I could utilise it.

After moving the ropes enough for me to be able to, I stood up, barely, just to make sure that I could do what I needed to. I could stand and shuffle. It would have to do.

With that I looped my hands and the now semi-free rope in a way so I wouldn't fall off the seat, and hoped in a sick way they would be too busy with her to come and beat the crap out of me again.

Day 131

I woke to her screams again. Gunfire. Maniacal laughter and talking. The fury had diluted enough to allow me to concentrate. I had even formulated a plan: considering we didn't see them to start it would mean that they would be mainly based in a small area which, now they had weapons, would expand, it would also mean that the remaining weapons or at least equipment would be nearby. Although it was just supposition, the fact she was so close by reinforced it.

I stood up and lay the seat down. Propping myself carefully. I made it look as if it had simply fallen over.

I took deep breaths which were becoming increasingly difficult due to sharp pains in my chest and repeated in my mind what I was going to do. I told myself I could do it by imagining his faint smile through the darkness and my lack of sight. I told myself that he was dangerous like the others and anything could happen. I heard footsteps and my pulse quickened.

Soon enough that man came in again. This time I saw him smile clearly at the door. "Fall over baby?" he laughed "So where's with the manly talk of revenge for your girlfriend? Well you really should man up. From what I've heard, it's your turn later."

He walked past me and put the things down. He pulled me up and I heard him turn. I stood, grabbed the chair, and smashed it over his back. I barely heard it myself over the gunfire outside. He collapsed momentarily then spun round to attack. I was only holding two legs of the chair and with his force I dropped them both. We slid across the ground and he started hitting me. I kicked him when I got my leg free and he rolled of grasping himself. I grabbed the chair leg and thrust myself at him. When I landed on top of him I plunged it into his chest. I saw his eyes open wide, then start to close.

I shook him and whispered "that girl is family. You guys made a huge mistake." Then I let him die. I threw up to the side of him, and almost passed out. A moment of insanity; my own bloodlust, my rage. I didn't like it. I didn't like how I was capable of killing so easily, without a second thought. I've always known about anger issues, I may have already said, but this went far beyond anything before.

I left the room as quietly as I could. I was terrified they would discover me because of the noise my feet made as I dragged them. No matter what I tried I couldn't summon the strength to lift them fully. I had left him tied to the chair. It would buy me a few seconds extra before they realised it wasn't me, though it probably took me longer to put him there than it would save.

I edged down the hall, leaning against the walls at each room as I looked around to see if they were empty, until I got to where she was. The door was shut. I closed my eyes and passed by. I couldn’t defend myself in that state, I couldn't do anything without weapons.

I faced a choice of left or right. I chose left because right lead to another area we hadn't been to ourselves it also would take me away from the area I wanted to head for ultimately. I opened a storeroom door and was greeted with a pleasant sight. Our equipment. I rummaged through my bag and found my spare glasses. They were sunglasses and an old prescription, but would suffice for now. I left the majority of my things there and carried on down the corridor. I passed a toilet and decided to go in and check what state they had left me in.

When I saw myself in the mirror I was, to say the least, shocked. Blood had dried to most of the right hand side of my body. There was fresh coming from my nose and I guessed the guy's blood on my chest. My left eye was swollen. I pulled up my top, just about, and saw it was mostly blue and black. I hoped it wasn't too much internal bleeding, I had to last at least until I got her out. I decided against washing myself off. Alongside it taking too long, it would make them doubt less about if I was going to pull the trigger or not.

Eventually I made it to the TV room, where we had been working. I reached behind the shelving on the wall and pulled out the MP5 I had hidden there alongside 3 clips. I smiled at how my 'just in case' preparation had finally worked.

I loaded one clip in and made sure the silencer was on correctly. After taking a deep breath I started down the corridor. Wincing at every step. I passed a digital clock which read 9.05am. It was going to be a long day again, but the date on the display below reaffirmed the time frame I had thought it was: Wednesday 26th January: Day 131.

As I neared her and that room I heard the cries quieten. My heart stopped in the fear she was dying. But they resumed. I guessed another was getting ready for a go, though I don't know for certain. I didn't know the area well, but I judged. It was a corner room. I knew the size of the one next to it, and the outside was at the end of the rooms. It was a guess, but I estimated where the people would be.

Just as I was readying myself to break the door down and shoot, it opened alongside a "I'll check where he's gotten to." The man had almost closed the door before he realised I was there. He paused looking at the end of my gun.

I pulled the trigger, I didn't close my eyes and I saw his last moment. A piece of time that will stand alongside the eye of that Rani... The force of the bullet and his body hitting the door threw it open wide and I got a perfect view of the man next in line to Sam. He turned and before he could finish his "What the f..." I pulled again and his head jerked backwards. That's when the shouts began.

Now knowing where she was I was happy to aim at the walls and fire. I emptied the remainder of the clip on one side, reloaded quickly and emptied the full amount on the other. As I put the final clip in place a few tried to escape through the windows at the back. I stepped forwards and fired again. They fell out. I ran in to check if they were dead, but I stopped half way to do a check and just in time was able to pull the trigger against the few who were still alive. One dropped the pistol he held and just looked at me lifelessly. I turned back and ran past her to check they were dead outside. One was trying to crawl away and I stopped him. The MP5 clicked a few times I didn't realise at first that it was empty.

I finally turned to Sam. She was crying and had her eyes closed.

I knelt down which was agony and put my hand to her cheek but she cringed. I stood up and started to untie her hands and said her name; she opened her eyes. I told her not to worry. It was over; that I was here. I told her to keep her eyes shut for just a few moments longer. I searched the room, still in disbelief of what I had done. I recovered two pistols and a knife. I shoved them where I could and picked her up. When we left the room I pulled the door to.

Standing back I saw bullets riddled the walls. If they didn't know something was wrong now, they wouldn't even need to open the door to find out.

As I carried Sam towards the exit closest to our hideout I had the thought of moving the bodies that were outside the window, but I dismissed it. Sam whimpering in my arms as I struggled down the hall made me want to get her out as soon as I could. I opened the door and saw only a few metres away another person with a gun.

I stepped back and put her down and grabbed the knife. I was now out of MP5 bullets until we got the packs out of our safe storage. I prepared in my mind what I was going to do. Just like the movies. Cover the mouth and pull the blade across. I repeated to myself, but found that I couldn't do it. I was just 2metres away and I froze. Attacking the man in the room had been on adrenalin impulse. All the rest had been trigger happy. I didn’t have that energy any more. This was as close to real murder I would get. For all I knew this one could have opposed what they did. But then he had a gun, he could have stopped them. But again, that would mean using the full clip against the room and having nothing left.

He turned and as he did I drew the pistol. I decided I would give him a choice. "Drop the gun". Gunshots still rang out. They wouldn't have much ammo left assuming they were only using what we had in the emergency bags. He turned sharper and stared at me, he began to raise his weapon so I shot him. I wanted to kill him outright, so there was no risk of retaliation but I was shaking and missed the kill shot; instead hitting him in the throat. He didn't die immediately, but the hit was enough to prevent him from screaming.

"Ha finally decided to try shooting did ya?" I heard a man call from the direction of the repeating gunfire.

I looked at the body below me and realised they were shouting to him, I shouted back with a voice I found was shaking "Yeah, not so bad". I immediately thought myself stupid. They would know his voice.

Luckily they were deafened slightly from the shooting, "Nope it ain't" was their response before they carried on shooting. The man convulsed for a short time then died. I took his gun.

Counting the weapons meant we were only missing two. One more MP5 and a rifle. I took a slight peek around the corner. There they were. Middle of the open, and worse, in line of sight if we moved across to where we hid.

I lined up the rifle. I cringed when the butt pressed against my shoulder. I took the safety off and put it on burst fire. I stood there for a few minutes until they stopped, and started moving in. I was in the shadow and they were talking to each other so they didn't notice me. I would wait for them to come over. Less chance to miss. They started to pass by and froze at the sight of their friend, they started to turn but I pulled the trigger and they both fell. One being the one who hit me previously, I was certain of it.

I managed to pick Sam back up and took her 'home' as it were. Upon doing that I returned to reclaim our emergency bags. I made sure no one could follow me by taking a long route both times that lead no where in particular. It took a very long time to do with the speed I was travelling.

I was now certain we were alone. And I was sick to the stomach about it. These people weren't people who worked here, I didn't remember a single face. It's true I wouldn't remember most anyway, but not a single one was even vaguely familiar.

I returned to Sam and fell asleep.

Day 132

I don't know what happened to Sam for certain. I can guess but I will never ask her. Ever. I just hope what I did to them helped somehow. I still don't think I'll trust anyone else again; these days will haunt my dreams, and make me doubt my decisions.

All Sam said to me was that she was certain she would be okay physically. To which she smiled, just about.

I checked the security system today and the personnel information was quite good, faces for each. Not a single one was one who worked here. I guess I'll never know from where. But a question is where were the women, and why weren't there more.

We got out. I should take that as something good. I should. Doesn't mean I will...

Tomorrow; the search begins for my glasses, and the preparation begins for the now inevitable Rani incursion. I would say we would make a break for it but I know I'm in no state to move much and I doubt Sam will be...

I hope you make another day