For if it ends too soon

I write this with the knowledge I have gained so far: I know I will not last forever. Eventually I will get caught out or mess up. Hopefully someone will find this log (most likely Sam) or I will post before I join the legions of dead. Too many close calls... I can't just leave things open ended. Relying on luck to get by is a fools errand. I am no fool.

So here is my message to all from beyond the grave. *Insert spooky noise here*

I have regrets of life, sure, but at the same time I have those moments of which I fondly remember. Many things I would change, but mainly just to change how I spoke to someone, or how I reacted.

I want to express that there are people who were in my life and are that mean the world to me. I either miss them or complain that they are around too much. A secret? If you found yourself saying I hope I'm one of those; you probably are, or were.

This life and all that has happened over the past few years has constantly had me reevaluating life itself and in the end I've always worried that I won't make the most of it and I'll ruin any chances I've had. I guess all the answers are left to those remaining to answer. Sometimes the questions are left for them to ask as well.

Secrets should remain.Why do people need to know all the shadows in our life? Though I harbour dark intent there: I want to ensure that we always forever share a shadow of our hearts. But I do want to say that I always remember certain moments and they guide me. I would say they always will, but that will be redundant when you read this.

Funny thing is, the thing that holds me to my sanity so much instead of the falling depression isn't hope, or happiness but a line from a film. "The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you'". All I've tried is to find who I am, to this day I still cannot say. I try and pressure myself to think, but I cannot.

I've also been thinking about how I can end my final post. Which I guess is this. I hope something fitting remains in my last thoughts and I really pray I remember that period. Maybe you haven't noticed but I never put a stop at the end of my sign off. A sign for another day, a sign for hope: that this isn't finished. Not just yet. But strangely it is.

I hope an eagle eye or two have also spotted a secret there: make. Life is what you do and create, don't just survive, anyone can. Make it a life worth living be it apocalypse, rapture, or wedding day.

So in ending a final wish. Don't forget any of my words. Don't wish harm upon those who you share these dark and bright days. And in the end does the apocalypse really change us? Who we were before it is exactly who survived it. What we have done is all we are: all the trophies on the wall are just symbols of that fact. All I know is that the world will carry on after me and that's for sure.

For the last time I say; I hope you make another day (it's up to you to say that from now on)