It's been such a long time in my mind that it has been over. I'm by myself now. Well other than the 5 Rani that stumble about nearby. I had to use most of the ammo to dispose of the rest so I could get to him and say my goodbyes... Is dispose the right word?
I've also had ditch most of the weapons as I couldn't physically carry that many. Arguably I am carrying too much now anyway. Two pistols, shotgun, assault rifle, and a disassembled sniper rifle. On top of that I have my survival clothing, primus, food, ammo. Water isn't so important now knowing that I can drink any source and not be infected, or at least as far as I am aware...
The weapons I have left are by the helicopters, so if any of you need them, take them. They are hidden below the one that has one of the leg supports broken off. It's pretty hard to see or get to it without knowing it's there.
Towards the end of the last section of these reports I was starting to wonder if there was any point, and if there were others. With his sacrifice I have been refreshed like a damn webpage. I know people will be alive because others will die to save them. I know there is a point else he would have jumped in the room with me.
There are people from hell too. Yes. But they can capture me all they want. Do unspeakable things like they already have, but in this world, vengeance isn't a cell, it's a weapon; it's death. I don't want to become some God-awful thing like The Punisher but strangely I can see why he was like it. If you think that comment is strange in itself when coming from me, think about it, he wouldn't have been able to cope with me if I didn't have similar interests.
I just don't get how the best time of my life is the time I have spent with him. I guess it doesn't matter now. I'm heading back to Hereford shortly, to try and find someone or something. My family, or hell, even the Dodge or Day 4 guys. Scores to settle as they say.
I will talk in time about how I found him but right now the roads a'callin', can't keep it waiting.
Now I was thinking what my sign off could be. I almost want to have his but I can't dwell; it hasn't been long enough to dwell. So how about:
Another update, shortly.
Friday, 29 April 2011
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
For if it ends too soon
I write this with the knowledge I have gained so far: I know I will not last forever. Eventually I will get caught out or mess up. Hopefully someone will find this log (most likely Sam) or I will post before I join the legions of dead. Too many close calls... I can't just leave things open ended. Relying on luck to get by is a fools errand. I am no fool.
So here is my message to all from beyond the grave. *Insert spooky noise here*
I have regrets of life, sure, but at the same time I have those moments of which I fondly remember. Many things I would change, but mainly just to change how I spoke to someone, or how I reacted.
I want to express that there are people who were in my life and are that mean the world to me. I either miss them or complain that they are around too much. A secret? If you found yourself saying I hope I'm one of those; you probably are, or were.
This life and all that has happened over the past few years has constantly had me reevaluating life itself and in the end I've always worried that I won't make the most of it and I'll ruin any chances I've had. I guess all the answers are left to those remaining to answer. Sometimes the questions are left for them to ask as well.
Secrets should remain.Why do people need to know all the shadows in our life? Though I harbour dark intent there: I want to ensure that we always forever share a shadow of our hearts. But I do want to say that I always remember certain moments and they guide me. I would say they always will, but that will be redundant when you read this.
Funny thing is, the thing that holds me to my sanity so much instead of the falling depression isn't hope, or happiness but a line from a film. "The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you'". All I've tried is to find who I am, to this day I still cannot say. I try and pressure myself to think, but I cannot.
I've also been thinking about how I can end my final post. Which I guess is this. I hope something fitting remains in my last thoughts and I really pray I remember that period. Maybe you haven't noticed but I never put a stop at the end of my sign off. A sign for another day, a sign for hope: that this isn't finished. Not just yet. But strangely it is.
I hope an eagle eye or two have also spotted a secret there: make. Life is what you do and create, don't just survive, anyone can. Make it a life worth living be it apocalypse, rapture, or wedding day.
So in ending a final wish. Don't forget any of my words. Don't wish harm upon those who you share these dark and bright days. And in the end does the apocalypse really change us? Who we were before it is exactly who survived it. What we have done is all we are: all the trophies on the wall are just symbols of that fact. All I know is that the world will carry on after me and that's for sure.
For the last time I say; I hope you make another day (it's up to you to say that from now on)
So here is my message to all from beyond the grave. *Insert spooky noise here*
I have regrets of life, sure, but at the same time I have those moments of which I fondly remember. Many things I would change, but mainly just to change how I spoke to someone, or how I reacted.
I want to express that there are people who were in my life and are that mean the world to me. I either miss them or complain that they are around too much. A secret? If you found yourself saying I hope I'm one of those; you probably are, or were.
This life and all that has happened over the past few years has constantly had me reevaluating life itself and in the end I've always worried that I won't make the most of it and I'll ruin any chances I've had. I guess all the answers are left to those remaining to answer. Sometimes the questions are left for them to ask as well.
Secrets should remain.Why do people need to know all the shadows in our life? Though I harbour dark intent there: I want to ensure that we always forever share a shadow of our hearts. But I do want to say that I always remember certain moments and they guide me. I would say they always will, but that will be redundant when you read this.
Funny thing is, the thing that holds me to my sanity so much instead of the falling depression isn't hope, or happiness but a line from a film. "The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you'". All I've tried is to find who I am, to this day I still cannot say. I try and pressure myself to think, but I cannot.
I've also been thinking about how I can end my final post. Which I guess is this. I hope something fitting remains in my last thoughts and I really pray I remember that period. Maybe you haven't noticed but I never put a stop at the end of my sign off. A sign for another day, a sign for hope: that this isn't finished. Not just yet. But strangely it is.
I hope an eagle eye or two have also spotted a secret there: make. Life is what you do and create, don't just survive, anyone can. Make it a life worth living be it apocalypse, rapture, or wedding day.
So in ending a final wish. Don't forget any of my words. Don't wish harm upon those who you share these dark and bright days. And in the end does the apocalypse really change us? Who we were before it is exactly who survived it. What we have done is all we are: all the trophies on the wall are just symbols of that fact. All I know is that the world will carry on after me and that's for sure.
For the last time I say; I hope you make another day (it's up to you to say that from now on)
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Day 207
Today we pottered around for a couple of hours. At about noon we decided that we may as well make our move today. The Rani numbers weren't going to get any lower at any rate.
We suited up and armed ourselves. Sam went full auto rifle and a pistol backup with nothing else but an empty bag. I chose my shotgun, pistol, and my hidden frag grenade. I emptied my bags and laid everything out so that I could put it back easily. Though Sam thought it funny to move things and stumble through them as I arranged them. She knows how to wind me up then calm me down with just a look of complete sincerity.
An hour later, I guess, we took a rope down the back where the Rani number was less and we cut around them so they didn't know we were missing. Regardless of which way we returned we were safe: a passcard to open the front and a rope we had been practicing to climb for days since we got there. It is something I missed out to add an air of surprise. So ta-da!
Slowly we made it round. Maybe half an hour or so. We entered the canteen through the front entrance path and started to load up. When we finished we realised how little there was and I suggested to move to where the bad guys were based as they likely kept a small amount of food there for when they were too lazy to move all that distance. To my surprise she agreed. So we moved on. First to the TV room to pick up the last clip and pistol Sam had hidden there, just in case, then onwards.
Moving onwards we chatted idly, like we always do. Then Sam stopped so I averted my eyes from her and followed her sight.
"Oh shit". So succinct and eloquent, really, when faced with the forgotten remains of those who chased me through the building. Apparently trapped by their inability to understand windows properly and all other doors being locked automatically. It also was apparent that using silenced weapons was a good idea recently to remove their brothers from our surrounds. In that moment one turned and bared it's teeth, snarling. In some kind of orchestrated movement the rest turned raising the snarl to a rumbling hiss. By now we were backing off, both clutching our weapons.
Sam shouted for me to take the point so she could clear any rushing us. I ran facing away from them relying on her to keep them off of us. Her gun fired in a quiet repeating prff-prff-prfff. Still silenced I sort of wished that it was louder to shake their noise from my thoughts. When I opened a door I would shout and she would move up to it so it would be clear for her. In almost a flash of a moment we were out, though it may have been clearer to her than me...
We started running to our dish, the second one up. I still held point firing at any Rani that decided to flank us down. Soon Sam called she was out. A quick count made me realise how much she was firing. She had taken 10clips. To be sure, to be sure, to be sure etc. Obviously needed more. So I took the back spot as I held the better weapon. Sam took point with her pistols. I realised that we had passed through the group that had been hounding us at the dish. So it was clear that way but somehow they were catching up. We were running as fast as we had ever which used to get rid of them but now... Had they adapted?
We ran across the yard as fast as we could with the stench of death upon us. My breathing shallowed in the reintroduction of those smells: Rani rot and fear induced sweat. I have not felt those since climbing to the roof of the garage whatever day it was. Sam was a dozen steps ahead at most and as she reached the doorway she dropped the passcard and cursed. I forced air into my lungs so hard it burned. From my belt I took the grenade I hoped to keep for my last day.
I pulled the pin and began to throw just as one ran into me. It slipped and flew half the distance I wanted. I remember thinking "What the fuck is the kill box of one of these" when I picked it up all those days ago. I felt like I was about to experience it.
Next the Rani's face exploded into a red mist as I subconsciously had pulled the shotgun back round and I clambered away but the explosion went off and a searing pain shot across my lower back. My hearing was muffled and my eyes blurred slightly but I ran none the less.
Inside Sam made it to the secure door, and opened that. She ran further in to get ammo I suppose forgetting the door also locks there by shutting under it's own weight at an angle. As I made my rush I realised that they were once again upon me. The time it would take me to stop the door shutting and open it enough to get through wouldn't leave me enough to get it shut the other side. And beyond lay no where else to run. I slammed into the door, shutting it. My heart skipped knowing this was it. I turned to the supply room to the left, with a normal door and slammed it shut. Once there was an industrial floor cleaner here but now it was empty but small. No window.
So now I lay braced against the wall, holding the door shut with ever weakening legs. I counted my slugs. 24. In the gun as well made 32. Not the final fight I wanted but it was inevitable. Me or both of us? No competition. Somewhere inside me I know Sam was the better of us. At the very least she is more athletic and a better shot. She'll make it. She'll be pissed for a long time, maybe even bitter but I hope with the next post that comes she'll understand. Damn luck. I have the horrible feeling of wishing this happened earlier; so I didn't start to understand this world, so it didn't feel right for me.
Worst of all she text me. Begging me to be safe. My hands are bloody from those damn fragments in my back and apparently my right leg and shoulder so I can't respond or even read the whole of her message. Just "please dont die I ca..."
Sorry Sam but even if I wanted to, I won't make the night. Things feel strangely numb; my hands are shaking but I can't tell but for seeing. I guess in a strange way I am feeling like you did when you and that fence got intimate. I hope that makes you smile.
No more complaining or comments here. They are to be left in the only file unposted here and only notepad doc on this laptop's desktop screen.
So in finality, fully and unremitting to all of you:
I hope you make another day.
We suited up and armed ourselves. Sam went full auto rifle and a pistol backup with nothing else but an empty bag. I chose my shotgun, pistol, and my hidden frag grenade. I emptied my bags and laid everything out so that I could put it back easily. Though Sam thought it funny to move things and stumble through them as I arranged them. She knows how to wind me up then calm me down with just a look of complete sincerity.
An hour later, I guess, we took a rope down the back where the Rani number was less and we cut around them so they didn't know we were missing. Regardless of which way we returned we were safe: a passcard to open the front and a rope we had been practicing to climb for days since we got there. It is something I missed out to add an air of surprise. So ta-da!
Slowly we made it round. Maybe half an hour or so. We entered the canteen through the front entrance path and started to load up. When we finished we realised how little there was and I suggested to move to where the bad guys were based as they likely kept a small amount of food there for when they were too lazy to move all that distance. To my surprise she agreed. So we moved on. First to the TV room to pick up the last clip and pistol Sam had hidden there, just in case, then onwards.
Moving onwards we chatted idly, like we always do. Then Sam stopped so I averted my eyes from her and followed her sight.
"Oh shit". So succinct and eloquent, really, when faced with the forgotten remains of those who chased me through the building. Apparently trapped by their inability to understand windows properly and all other doors being locked automatically. It also was apparent that using silenced weapons was a good idea recently to remove their brothers from our surrounds. In that moment one turned and bared it's teeth, snarling. In some kind of orchestrated movement the rest turned raising the snarl to a rumbling hiss. By now we were backing off, both clutching our weapons.
Sam shouted for me to take the point so she could clear any rushing us. I ran facing away from them relying on her to keep them off of us. Her gun fired in a quiet repeating prff-prff-prfff. Still silenced I sort of wished that it was louder to shake their noise from my thoughts. When I opened a door I would shout and she would move up to it so it would be clear for her. In almost a flash of a moment we were out, though it may have been clearer to her than me...
We started running to our dish, the second one up. I still held point firing at any Rani that decided to flank us down. Soon Sam called she was out. A quick count made me realise how much she was firing. She had taken 10clips. To be sure, to be sure, to be sure etc. Obviously needed more. So I took the back spot as I held the better weapon. Sam took point with her pistols. I realised that we had passed through the group that had been hounding us at the dish. So it was clear that way but somehow they were catching up. We were running as fast as we had ever which used to get rid of them but now... Had they adapted?
We ran across the yard as fast as we could with the stench of death upon us. My breathing shallowed in the reintroduction of those smells: Rani rot and fear induced sweat. I have not felt those since climbing to the roof of the garage whatever day it was. Sam was a dozen steps ahead at most and as she reached the doorway she dropped the passcard and cursed. I forced air into my lungs so hard it burned. From my belt I took the grenade I hoped to keep for my last day.
I pulled the pin and began to throw just as one ran into me. It slipped and flew half the distance I wanted. I remember thinking "What the fuck is the kill box of one of these" when I picked it up all those days ago. I felt like I was about to experience it.
Next the Rani's face exploded into a red mist as I subconsciously had pulled the shotgun back round and I clambered away but the explosion went off and a searing pain shot across my lower back. My hearing was muffled and my eyes blurred slightly but I ran none the less.
Inside Sam made it to the secure door, and opened that. She ran further in to get ammo I suppose forgetting the door also locks there by shutting under it's own weight at an angle. As I made my rush I realised that they were once again upon me. The time it would take me to stop the door shutting and open it enough to get through wouldn't leave me enough to get it shut the other side. And beyond lay no where else to run. I slammed into the door, shutting it. My heart skipped knowing this was it. I turned to the supply room to the left, with a normal door and slammed it shut. Once there was an industrial floor cleaner here but now it was empty but small. No window.
So now I lay braced against the wall, holding the door shut with ever weakening legs. I counted my slugs. 24. In the gun as well made 32. Not the final fight I wanted but it was inevitable. Me or both of us? No competition. Somewhere inside me I know Sam was the better of us. At the very least she is more athletic and a better shot. She'll make it. She'll be pissed for a long time, maybe even bitter but I hope with the next post that comes she'll understand. Damn luck. I have the horrible feeling of wishing this happened earlier; so I didn't start to understand this world, so it didn't feel right for me.
Worst of all she text me. Begging me to be safe. My hands are bloody from those damn fragments in my back and apparently my right leg and shoulder so I can't respond or even read the whole of her message. Just "please dont die I ca..."
Sorry Sam but even if I wanted to, I won't make the night. Things feel strangely numb; my hands are shaking but I can't tell but for seeing. I guess in a strange way I am feeling like you did when you and that fence got intimate. I hope that makes you smile.
No more complaining or comments here. They are to be left in the only file unposted here and only notepad doc on this laptop's desktop screen.
So in finality, fully and unremitting to all of you:
I hope you make another day.
Monday, 11 April 2011
Day 206
Another day waiting. Most of the time was used to dispose of more Rani around us.
Nothing special still that I need to mention.
I hope you make another day
Nothing special still that I need to mention.
I hope you make another day
Sunday, 10 April 2011
Saturday, 9 April 2011
Day 204
We've set a date for making our rush. It will be Wednesday. That will give us about a weeks worth of food and three days of liquids if we are unable there.
I've been double checking everything I will need the next few days as well as fighting to keep myself calm in this situation as I have only recently been reminded of what can happen if you slip up.
I hope you make another day
I've been double checking everything I will need the next few days as well as fighting to keep myself calm in this situation as I have only recently been reminded of what can happen if you slip up.
I hope you make another day
Friday, 8 April 2011
Day 203
Another day with the sun beating down. The few Rani around are seemingly more relaxed which is strange. We still haven't done anything putting off the inevitable is stupid but I think we are just afraid to move as we have become accustomed to this world.
I hope you make another day
I hope you make another day
Thursday, 7 April 2011
Day 202
The day was beautiful today. The sun was bright and not even knowing we are short of food and the Rani are still around us could ruin the day.
Thinking back a short while it is amazing that the snow has turned to this. I know it was a few months ago but still it doesn't feel that long. In the scheme of things it really isn't that long at all. It would only have been 100 days ago. Halfway between here and the Apocalypse. Just a blink of an eye. But with today? It makes it a beautiful blink.
I hope you make another day
Thinking back a short while it is amazing that the snow has turned to this. I know it was a few months ago but still it doesn't feel that long. In the scheme of things it really isn't that long at all. It would only have been 100 days ago. Halfway between here and the Apocalypse. Just a blink of an eye. But with today? It makes it a beautiful blink.
I hope you make another day
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
Day 201
Planning and resting today. The Rani presence is still low right now but we need a break from the worry of being alone.
I hope you make another day
I hope you make another day
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Day 200
A milestone, again. In truth I'm not completely bitter. Today I made it back.
The Rani missed me over night meaning it was clear sailing. Even the station was pretty clear. Not perfectly but enough.
Sam heard me before I arrived and was waiting. She hugged me before I even had the chance to say hello. We caught up, even though there haven't been that many days apart and none without us talking on the walkies.
A problem arises though. This building is safe, but food supplies are not good and there is no water inside the building. We daren't go into the ration packs in case we are stranded away from food supplies. The only solution is to raid the last of the supplies in the canteen. We can hold that off for a few days but not for long. We need to plan, but in the end all we can do is state the paths we wish to take and how much ammo we are going to.
However bad a situation we are in it is made lighter by having contact with another again.
I hope you make another day
The Rani missed me over night meaning it was clear sailing. Even the station was pretty clear. Not perfectly but enough.
Sam heard me before I arrived and was waiting. She hugged me before I even had the chance to say hello. We caught up, even though there haven't been that many days apart and none without us talking on the walkies.
A problem arises though. This building is safe, but food supplies are not good and there is no water inside the building. We daren't go into the ration packs in case we are stranded away from food supplies. The only solution is to raid the last of the supplies in the canteen. We can hold that off for a few days but not for long. We need to plan, but in the end all we can do is state the paths we wish to take and how much ammo we are going to.
However bad a situation we are in it is made lighter by having contact with another again.
I hope you make another day
Monday, 4 April 2011
Day 199
It occurs to me that in the end the days that I assign this world mean nothing. You will call it something else maybe even the real day it is. April something. All it matters is in defining my life, my world.
With that thought in my head I leant out of a low window for an hour with them grasping at me. Then I ran as fast as I could through a path I had opened up.
I made it out and nearly clear, I didn't make the mistakes I did before. No fighting, just shoot and run.
This said; I lost them but annoyingly I am further away from the station right now because for some reason they wouldn't mass by the southern side of the school.
Regardless one more day and I'll be back. That I promise.
I hope you make another day
With that thought in my head I leant out of a low window for an hour with them grasping at me. Then I ran as fast as I could through a path I had opened up.
I made it out and nearly clear, I didn't make the mistakes I did before. No fighting, just shoot and run.
This said; I lost them but annoyingly I am further away from the station right now because for some reason they wouldn't mass by the southern side of the school.
Regardless one more day and I'll be back. That I promise.
I hope you make another day
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Day 198
Tried to get away today but after a couple of minutes losing ground to them I had to just retreat. I'm now down by about half my ammo and I've achieved very little in doing so.
I hope you make another day
I hope you make another day
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Day 197
I'm still stuck in the building and it's grinding at me now. I'm tempted to make just a break for it... But annoyingly I can't report anything back to you.
I hope you make another day
I hope you make another day
Friday, 1 April 2011
Day 196
Still no change, they seem to be preempting my movements no matter how I change them.
I hope you make another day
I hope you make another day
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