A day spent checking the border again. For safety's sake I don't want to have any damage unknown for them just waltzing in
Day 4
Soon enough the rest of the group walked in threw some food towards me. A pack of crisps was hardly enough, but I didn't know how much they had; it could well be rationing.
They ushered her out and left me alone as I ate. I shortly realised that the food I was eating I hated. Cheese and onion crisps leave a foul taste in my mouth but I was hungry, so I ate.
Suddenly I felt my arm itch. I took my tops off and for the first time I realised what I had gone through. I could hardly believe I hadn't noticed before. My sleeves were worn through and bloodstained. Scratches lay along my arms and they looked pale. I had a new reason for my bleariness: blood loss. I made my way to a bathroom downstairs and clicked on the light above the basin.
My face was drained and my hands shook more than I was used to. I had scratches down one side of my face which I couldn't place to an event. I still can't. I was bruised beyond that but my concern were injuries on my arms. I washed them not even feeling them sting and I must have just fazed out. The next thing I remember was someone calling my name, cursing, a questioning whisper, then the door opening. Matthew pulled me out but I broke free and went back in to finish cleaning the sink. In hindsight if the water was polluted I would have probably turned then, but from what we can tell we cannot be converted that way.
I felt his presence behind me, knowing he wasn't impressed then I heard another move beside him and call to me. All I remember replying was "In a minute. Just wait." I finally finished and towelled off my wounds accidentally rubbing off some scabbing scratches. I replaced my tops and turned to them. They motioned their heads and walked to the front room. I took a look at my watch, my elbows felt like they were getting wet against the bloodied and still damp jumper I had on. 5.30am.
--
I hope you make another day
Monday, 28 February 2011
Sunday, 27 February 2011
Day 163
We spent most of today trying to attach the panels to the van. I haven't the patience to type much here. I will speak more about Day 4 tomorrow however.
I hope you make another day
I hope you make another day
Saturday, 26 February 2011
Day 162
The weather was off and on again a lot today. Rain then sun, but annoyingly it stayed cold and we weren't doing enough to stay outside for ages. So, to compensate for the reduction in size of these blogs:
Day 4
I still remember it so clearly. The sky was still overcast, but the thin level of fog that I hadn't noticed was retracting into the far reaches of darkness. The bleariness of my lack of sleep was draining from me as a small amount of anxiety seeped in. These people, of whom I had trusted so openly, were hiding something.
Before long I realised I was unfamiliar with the surroundings. They had moved onto the newest section of Belmont. The issue here was that I hadn't actually been there. There wasn't too much in the way of a problem in hindsight because I could simply keep going and I'd hit a dead end or find a place I knew. But I panicked all the same.
At 4am we stopped outside a house. 'Gar' moved towards it and broke the door down. Steven followed him in and before long they called out to come in.
We made ourselves at home sitting on someone else's property with the curtains drawn trying to watch anything that still broadcasted. I didn't realise until some time later that everyone was out of the room but for Charlie.
"So, how did you all meet then?" I didn't really want to make conversation. I needed to let the world sink in a little, but I thought it best to have a good rapport from the start.
She took a breath and paused the television. "We all come from the same street. When it started I saw Karen get attacked and Denis was trying to save her. Steven came running out to help and before I knew it I was there too. We checked the street and we were the only ones there. Stuck like glue since ya know?" She paused as if contemplating if she should ask a question herself then, "What about you? Been alone since it began?"
"Sort of. I was attacked before it all started, you know the thing the day before? I was the one trying to save my friend... One the day itself? Alone in my house with my dog. I came down went up and when I came back down there was one there and I ran." At that point I realised my radio from Scott was back at the house, I felt stupid so I left it out "I found one person who died shortly after, and another at the medical center who threatened to kill me. I haven't had the best luck with finding companionship." I laughed at the realisation of something; "Funny though that I am complaining that I haven't been able to find good friends when I've survived so far by my own skills and instinct."
She smiled, honestly, and said "I can't say any of us here could survive alone, but it's good to know you can for future reference." She appeared to pause then stopped completely, apparently not wanting to carry on speaking.
--
I hope you make another day
Day 4
I still remember it so clearly. The sky was still overcast, but the thin level of fog that I hadn't noticed was retracting into the far reaches of darkness. The bleariness of my lack of sleep was draining from me as a small amount of anxiety seeped in. These people, of whom I had trusted so openly, were hiding something.
Before long I realised I was unfamiliar with the surroundings. They had moved onto the newest section of Belmont. The issue here was that I hadn't actually been there. There wasn't too much in the way of a problem in hindsight because I could simply keep going and I'd hit a dead end or find a place I knew. But I panicked all the same.
At 4am we stopped outside a house. 'Gar' moved towards it and broke the door down. Steven followed him in and before long they called out to come in.
We made ourselves at home sitting on someone else's property with the curtains drawn trying to watch anything that still broadcasted. I didn't realise until some time later that everyone was out of the room but for Charlie.
"So, how did you all meet then?" I didn't really want to make conversation. I needed to let the world sink in a little, but I thought it best to have a good rapport from the start.
She took a breath and paused the television. "We all come from the same street. When it started I saw Karen get attacked and Denis was trying to save her. Steven came running out to help and before I knew it I was there too. We checked the street and we were the only ones there. Stuck like glue since ya know?" She paused as if contemplating if she should ask a question herself then, "What about you? Been alone since it began?"
"Sort of. I was attacked before it all started, you know the thing the day before? I was the one trying to save my friend... One the day itself? Alone in my house with my dog. I came down went up and when I came back down there was one there and I ran." At that point I realised my radio from Scott was back at the house, I felt stupid so I left it out "I found one person who died shortly after, and another at the medical center who threatened to kill me. I haven't had the best luck with finding companionship." I laughed at the realisation of something; "Funny though that I am complaining that I haven't been able to find good friends when I've survived so far by my own skills and instinct."
She smiled, honestly, and said "I can't say any of us here could survive alone, but it's good to know you can for future reference." She appeared to pause then stopped completely, apparently not wanting to carry on speaking.
--
I hope you make another day
Friday, 25 February 2011
Day 161
The weather hasn't been that great today so I spent most of it rummaging in the storeroom in attempts to find good enough stuff to renforce the van. Found some spare panels for servers. Sam found some spare fencing for patching holes.
Didn't achieve anything in particular today annoyingly.
I hope you make another day
Didn't achieve anything in particular today annoyingly.
I hope you make another day
Thursday, 24 February 2011
Day 160
Today started slightly bleary but by the end it was bright and cheerful, it even had a sunset that was beautiful.
On top of that? I found the keys to the van (in one of the 'empty' rooms near our captive spots), and upon opening the door I could but exclaim "oh boy"
An imprint of one of the units inside read "M.R.U." or mobile reporting unit. Not exactly the most enthralling title, but it works. Better than that it runs on petrol and even has a portable generator in it. I managed to turn it on and it was simply amazing.
It already has some preset frequencies on it which it can both receive and broadcast on. From the notes inside it was brought in to be repaired, or at least assessed as it didn't seem to be able to connect very fast, or well, for live reporting.
Thing is I wouldn't necessarily need it for that. I could simply record and broadcast a repeating message. The only issue is trying to get it tied into television. It would need an inside source. I suppose I could try to get to an outlet somewhere or try and get it to work on radio frequencies, but I really don't know much about this sort of technology. What I've just said could well be impossible to achieve with this equipment. At the same time, I could be selling it short... I hope anyway
I hope you make another day
On top of that? I found the keys to the van (in one of the 'empty' rooms near our captive spots), and upon opening the door I could but exclaim "oh boy"
An imprint of one of the units inside read "M.R.U." or mobile reporting unit. Not exactly the most enthralling title, but it works. Better than that it runs on petrol and even has a portable generator in it. I managed to turn it on and it was simply amazing.
It already has some preset frequencies on it which it can both receive and broadcast on. From the notes inside it was brought in to be repaired, or at least assessed as it didn't seem to be able to connect very fast, or well, for live reporting.
Thing is I wouldn't necessarily need it for that. I could simply record and broadcast a repeating message. The only issue is trying to get it tied into television. It would need an inside source. I suppose I could try to get to an outlet somewhere or try and get it to work on radio frequencies, but I really don't know much about this sort of technology. What I've just said could well be impossible to achieve with this equipment. At the same time, I could be selling it short... I hope anyway
I hope you make another day
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
Day 159
It is too easy to become desensitised to the killing of these things. Though they look like me, they are different enough that I don't have a knot in my chest when I shoot. I found this when I first shot one. Shooting the men inside or the bloodlusted man in the village hurt me deep in. It is strange because I forgive the Rani more than the people for what they are doing and have done. I guess they are just animals to me now who cannot do any differently...
Failed to find any keys today, which means I'm going to have to go into the area where the dead currently are. Lets just say the smell isn't pretty and I don't want to have to relive another bad day. Day 4 still outweighs it, but at least I don't have visual reminders of it all the time.
I hope you make another day
Failed to find any keys today, which means I'm going to have to go into the area where the dead currently are. Lets just say the smell isn't pretty and I don't want to have to relive another bad day. Day 4 still outweighs it, but at least I don't have visual reminders of it all the time.
I hope you make another day
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Day 158
I took a quick look at the van today. It appears recently repainted and annoyingly locked. I will soon be inside exploring but I don't want to break anything in case we need it later.
Also from examining the site I can't find a better vehicle to use to get out, though I may apply some extra things to it if I can.
We are slowly getting through our stock of ammo, but we are pretty much sticking to one bullet per Rani so we should last a while yet. It does mean we are going to have to make it to the helicopters or make a return trip to the SAS camp to restock. I personally don't like the idea of that as they will be much better secure in themselves now, if indeed they are still there.
I hope you make another day
Also from examining the site I can't find a better vehicle to use to get out, though I may apply some extra things to it if I can.
We are slowly getting through our stock of ammo, but we are pretty much sticking to one bullet per Rani so we should last a while yet. It does mean we are going to have to make it to the helicopters or make a return trip to the SAS camp to restock. I personally don't like the idea of that as they will be much better secure in themselves now, if indeed they are still there.
I hope you make another day
Monday, 21 February 2011
Day 157
The weather appears to be taking a turn for the worst again but it didn't distract me from climbing one of the dishes to sit for a while.
The view is quite astounding as there is nothing taller close by. I used my sniper's scope to have a proper look around. The number of Rani is far too much to safely get out. We're going to have to prepare an escape. My money is on a van or something just to get far enough away from them considering the road near here is clear. The one that caught my eye springs to mind.
At the same time I don't want to leave those helicopters there. I just can't get over the nagging feeling that there is something important there.
I hope you make another day
The view is quite astounding as there is nothing taller close by. I used my sniper's scope to have a proper look around. The number of Rani is far too much to safely get out. We're going to have to prepare an escape. My money is on a van or something just to get far enough away from them considering the road near here is clear. The one that caught my eye springs to mind.
At the same time I don't want to leave those helicopters there. I just can't get over the nagging feeling that there is something important there.
I hope you make another day
Sunday, 20 February 2011
Day 156
I spent today practicing longer shots with the sniper rifle. I can't see a better time to practice than what we have here. Nothing special to report sadly.
I hope you make another day
I hope you make another day
Saturday, 19 February 2011
Day 155
The weather was a bit dismal today but I took the time to practice with the bow we have been carrying around as excess weight. Sam fired a few shots with the air rifle too. I practiced on trees mainly to save the arrows but when it came to practicing our aim with guns we used the Rani as practice.
I've learnt how to adjust the sights correctly on most weapons now and I can get kill shots up to 50 metres or so and then intermittently after that. Unsurprisingly Sam is better than me in shots, as she has always been. She manages about 75 metres before faltering. I like to blame my glasses.
Standing on one of the roofs today though I was reminded of the day we actually met pretty much 6months ago. Are we even those people anymore? When I asked Sam she replied that 'I remember it through my eyes, so I guess so. I'm just less scared now than I used to be. I still miss people sometimes, but I'm not alone so I mostly forget'.
I suppose it is true. we're forgetting. I cannot even remember peoples faces properly now, let alone their voices. Try not to forget a while longer people. Things might yet change.
I hope you make another day
I've learnt how to adjust the sights correctly on most weapons now and I can get kill shots up to 50 metres or so and then intermittently after that. Unsurprisingly Sam is better than me in shots, as she has always been. She manages about 75 metres before faltering. I like to blame my glasses.
Standing on one of the roofs today though I was reminded of the day we actually met pretty much 6months ago. Are we even those people anymore? When I asked Sam she replied that 'I remember it through my eyes, so I guess so. I'm just less scared now than I used to be. I still miss people sometimes, but I'm not alone so I mostly forget'.
I suppose it is true. we're forgetting. I cannot even remember peoples faces properly now, let alone their voices. Try not to forget a while longer people. Things might yet change.
I hope you make another day
Friday, 18 February 2011
Day 154
The Rani numbers at the fences have become an epidemic, which is ironic really.
We're going to have to thin the numbers down mainly because the forward force of such a number will definitely damage the fences to a point of them getting inside which is something we don't want.
I had a better look from one of the dishes at the helicopters. There appears to be a number of items left inside them which raises my curiosity further.
I hope you make another day
We're going to have to thin the numbers down mainly because the forward force of such a number will definitely damage the fences to a point of them getting inside which is something we don't want.
I had a better look from one of the dishes at the helicopters. There appears to be a number of items left inside them which raises my curiosity further.
I hope you make another day
Thursday, 17 February 2011
Day 153
Having the day off yesterday seemed to have fixed something between us. Today we spent most of the time talking. It ruined the searching for today, but it's good to rest, and better to be reminded of what we had before.
Our lives change daily, but it is nice to know we are still nearly the same as when we met. Though Sam is a better shot than me now.
I hope you make another day
Our lives change daily, but it is nice to know we are still nearly the same as when we met. Though Sam is a better shot than me now.
I hope you make another day
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
Day 152
We had a day off of sorts today. Instead of trying to find our way to more faux safety we just walked around a little and avoided the area we were captured.
Over the last couple of days I haven't mentioned, but I have managed to find all the odds and sods that were missing from our gear when we caught. I think there may be more there but I really don't want to go there just yet.
We still have so many questions about what has happened, but as yet, we haven't found answers. That is why those helicopters are so important. Even if they hold one piece of information it is information we need to know. Eventually the truth needs to be known by all, even if we two are the only ones left.
I hope you make another day
Over the last couple of days I haven't mentioned, but I have managed to find all the odds and sods that were missing from our gear when we caught. I think there may be more there but I really don't want to go there just yet.
We still have so many questions about what has happened, but as yet, we haven't found answers. That is why those helicopters are so important. Even if they hold one piece of information it is information we need to know. Eventually the truth needs to be known by all, even if we two are the only ones left.
I hope you make another day
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
Day 151
The weather hasn't been great today, but I did bring myself to shoot at one of the Rani.
Sam's point from a couple of days ago? The Rani didn't turn to eat it. They are too concerned with getting in. This worries me as I have never seen them too focused to forgo their fallen brothers, I wonder if they have changed priorities, or maybe they just don't interest each other enough.
I hope you make another day
Sam's point from a couple of days ago? The Rani didn't turn to eat it. They are too concerned with getting in. This worries me as I have never seen them too focused to forgo their fallen brothers, I wonder if they have changed priorities, or maybe they just don't interest each other enough.
I hope you make another day
Monday, 14 February 2011
Day 150
I hoped for more, but the I can only just get the system to work. Something someone did to it has damaged it too much to pick much up. I was only able to connect to five frequencies but there was nothing but static there so I couldn't tell you which they were. Tomorrow I begin the exploration of points of interest.
Still no change on the Rani front. Sam said today that she didn't notice any extras.
I hope you make another day
Still no change on the Rani front. Sam said today that she didn't notice any extras.
I hope you make another day
Sunday, 13 February 2011
Day 149
I attempted to get the system working properly but to no avail. One more day then I can't see any point in carrying on with it.
Other than that Sam reports Rani numbers are up by a dozen or so by the front gates. She took one out with my sniper rifle and says I need to tomorrow to see how they actually react.
I hope you make another day
Other than that Sam reports Rani numbers are up by a dozen or so by the front gates. She took one out with my sniper rifle and says I need to tomorrow to see how they actually react.
I hope you make another day
Saturday, 12 February 2011
Day 148
So we completed what will enivitably be the first of many checks of the border today. Hopefully when fighting fit we will be able to move faster.
On our walks we have discovered two things that catch our eye. One is a van near one of the buildings that is a bit out of place. Most likely it is one of the vans used by the former occupants here but it is still on the list to check when we have the time. The other is the number of military helicopters hidden away on the old airfield. It would seem the military saw value here shortly. It makes sense as the site is, as far as I am aware, the only fully fenced and secured area other than the camp.
The issue is that Rani occupy the field there and all paths to it so ideally we need to get there after we have led the Rani elsewhere somehow... I doubt anyone would be alive there, but there would be equipment that people wouldn't be able to shift easily. It could be one item or a dozen. Regardless an opportunity like this doesn't come up often. I'm not stupid enough to try to even think about hot-wiring one and flying it away. I'm more likely to crash it than take off.
Before that though I have to finish making the system work again inside like I had originally intended. In hindsight the specifics of it aren't that special. As simple as I can explain it; it is a room to monitor digital signals by which I mean those of TV frequencies. I intend to check all I can which will be all the unencrypted channels, and hopefully I can get some kind of footage that shows others are alive in other countries, so for the readers abroad; there may be hope.
It occurred to me today, and I feel stupid, there is a radio station in town that I could have gotten into and broadcasted a message to people. It is now a note for myself to remember.
I hope you make another day
On our walks we have discovered two things that catch our eye. One is a van near one of the buildings that is a bit out of place. Most likely it is one of the vans used by the former occupants here but it is still on the list to check when we have the time. The other is the number of military helicopters hidden away on the old airfield. It would seem the military saw value here shortly. It makes sense as the site is, as far as I am aware, the only fully fenced and secured area other than the camp.
The issue is that Rani occupy the field there and all paths to it so ideally we need to get there after we have led the Rani elsewhere somehow... I doubt anyone would be alive there, but there would be equipment that people wouldn't be able to shift easily. It could be one item or a dozen. Regardless an opportunity like this doesn't come up often. I'm not stupid enough to try to even think about hot-wiring one and flying it away. I'm more likely to crash it than take off.
Before that though I have to finish making the system work again inside like I had originally intended. In hindsight the specifics of it aren't that special. As simple as I can explain it; it is a room to monitor digital signals by which I mean those of TV frequencies. I intend to check all I can which will be all the unencrypted channels, and hopefully I can get some kind of footage that shows others are alive in other countries, so for the readers abroad; there may be hope.
It occurred to me today, and I feel stupid, there is a radio station in town that I could have gotten into and broadcasted a message to people. It is now a note for myself to remember.
I hope you make another day
Friday, 11 February 2011
Day 147
I had a dream last night in which I only felt rage. Severe rage towards something I couldn't reach but I must have. Though as hard as I think back to it, I just cannot think of why I had to have it.
Looking at the Rani I wonder; was that another thought of theirs?
That thought clouded my mind today as we walked along most of the inner border. Another day and the issue of not knowing the number of Rani surrounding us will be over.
I hope you make another day
Looking at the Rani I wonder; was that another thought of theirs?
That thought clouded my mind today as we walked along most of the inner border. Another day and the issue of not knowing the number of Rani surrounding us will be over.
I hope you make another day
Thursday, 10 February 2011
Day 146
It rained a little, but slowly we scouted a small amount of the border fence. Rani encroach on that side too.
We are going to have to take a serious thought about what we are going to need to do here.
I hope you make another day
We are going to have to take a serious thought about what we are going to need to do here.
I hope you make another day
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
Day 145
Not a lot happened today. Sam sat with me as I tried to see anything important in what the Rani do. She picked out the same things as I have done.
She has suggested however looking at the other borders of the site as we haven't really assessed if they are completely secure, it may also let us see if there is anything of value there to learn. I know I have my plan, but right now I'd rather learn more about these things in a safe environment.
I hope you make another day
She has suggested however looking at the other borders of the site as we haven't really assessed if they are completely secure, it may also let us see if there is anything of value there to learn. I know I have my plan, but right now I'd rather learn more about these things in a safe environment.
I hope you make another day
Tuesday, 8 February 2011
Day 144
As today was a bright day, though cold, I have made some more notes.
Interestingly the Rani have started to band together. There are noticeable thinnings of the horde they make. These points center around areas I can't see as being any good to them. One of which is the gatehouse.
I was wondering if they group around 'leaders' or potential/beginning Screamers. This is the most logical conclusion I can make; of course the proof is only viable if they break through and I can remember what these 'leader' Rani look like.
I will admit I threw a couple of stones at them to test their reaction. Interestingly even though I did it from blind cover they looked right at me. I used a mirror to see where they looked and they didn't look at the mirror at all, even for a second.
The Rani seem to come in all sizes still. The larger ones haven't lost weight as time as gone on; further hinting at the whole idea that they don't degenerate. Though arguably the smaller ones would be easiest and first to show this as more significant parts would disintegrate faster.
The rest of the pages today are covered with general Rani pictures. Including Rani Vs Z-word's from films. And a flick book that I've been working on since the start. It's going quite well. I'm on page 10 now. Don't complain, I haven't had the time recently.
Dawn of the dead (original obviously) lose, but 28 days later is the winner right now with their infection rate. I don't think the I Am Legend ones count as they aren't really zombies in the normal sense, as their state is reversible.
I have been considering reducing the number of Rani at our border but I'm not convinced that is a good idea. Guns would certainly bring more of them, and the stench of the rotting dead undead isn't pleasant. I suppose I could use the time to test to see how effective different methods are for disposing of them... Fire would be interesting, but at the same time that little part of me says no just in case they retain even the smallest part of humanity...
And yes I do appear to be more nonchalant than usual but in truth I am as I always am. I guess I just feel a little safer and less hurt right now.
I hope you make another day
Interestingly the Rani have started to band together. There are noticeable thinnings of the horde they make. These points center around areas I can't see as being any good to them. One of which is the gatehouse.
I was wondering if they group around 'leaders' or potential/beginning Screamers. This is the most logical conclusion I can make; of course the proof is only viable if they break through and I can remember what these 'leader' Rani look like.
I will admit I threw a couple of stones at them to test their reaction. Interestingly even though I did it from blind cover they looked right at me. I used a mirror to see where they looked and they didn't look at the mirror at all, even for a second.
The Rani seem to come in all sizes still. The larger ones haven't lost weight as time as gone on; further hinting at the whole idea that they don't degenerate. Though arguably the smaller ones would be easiest and first to show this as more significant parts would disintegrate faster.
The rest of the pages today are covered with general Rani pictures. Including Rani Vs Z-word's from films. And a flick book that I've been working on since the start. It's going quite well. I'm on page 10 now. Don't complain, I haven't had the time recently.
Dawn of the dead (original obviously) lose, but 28 days later is the winner right now with their infection rate. I don't think the I Am Legend ones count as they aren't really zombies in the normal sense, as their state is reversible.
I have been considering reducing the number of Rani at our border but I'm not convinced that is a good idea. Guns would certainly bring more of them, and the stench of the rotting dead undead isn't pleasant. I suppose I could use the time to test to see how effective different methods are for disposing of them... Fire would be interesting, but at the same time that little part of me says no just in case they retain even the smallest part of humanity...
And yes I do appear to be more nonchalant than usual but in truth I am as I always am. I guess I just feel a little safer and less hurt right now.
I hope you make another day
Monday, 7 February 2011
Day 143
Little to say again. It was really windy last night and the rain didn't pack in until mid morning. I took a look at the Rani and still they stood trying to get in. Luckily they don't seem to have figured it out yet, which is good for our recovery.
I hope you make another day
I hope you make another day
Sunday, 6 February 2011
Day 142
I don't know why but today it really hit me, I guess I was thinking about it too much.
Everyone is dead. All that I have and all I did before the end is worth nothing. Any friends I made, all those good deeds, all those bad ones. As crappy a metaphor as it is, it was just like drawing on an etch-a-sketch before cleaning it off.
I know I've said it in passing but I've never really felt that bad about it; that I made it through when my family and all those I've ever cared about have died. I may even have killed one of them without realising.
Looking back at it I get the feeling I wasn't just protecting myself from it all. It is the new way of life. I guess it is like living in a world where we haven't risen to the top of the food chain and a world we aren't nearly immortal. There are things out there that outnumber us when even one of them can get us.
We kill, we move on. We kill, we move on. That is all I have done since being here. A cycle I hate due to it's diminishing effects of my soul. It is would be a perfect metaphor for depression if it were not real: we end up destroying more and more of our own world and corrupting ourselves and others, until the last few who believe in life still are just flickers amongst the darkness.
We kill. We move on. I'll keep doing it until I die. If we are the last alive yet to be converted, then so be it; humanity was supposed to die in that case and all I will be doing is getting rid of the fragments left within each Rani.
Sam says not to lose faith. Out of over 6 billion people, we can't be the last ones. It just wouldn't make sense. We're not exactly the epitome of humanity, so those better than us will make it too. But I'm not so sure. Wouldn't our circumstances define us also? The best locked in a room at the start of this would stand less of a chance than me up that tree on Day 1. But enough! Too many days have already passed and we should have grieved in that time. I will not again.
I hope you make another day
Everyone is dead. All that I have and all I did before the end is worth nothing. Any friends I made, all those good deeds, all those bad ones. As crappy a metaphor as it is, it was just like drawing on an etch-a-sketch before cleaning it off.
I know I've said it in passing but I've never really felt that bad about it; that I made it through when my family and all those I've ever cared about have died. I may even have killed one of them without realising.
Looking back at it I get the feeling I wasn't just protecting myself from it all. It is the new way of life. I guess it is like living in a world where we haven't risen to the top of the food chain and a world we aren't nearly immortal. There are things out there that outnumber us when even one of them can get us.
We kill, we move on. We kill, we move on. That is all I have done since being here. A cycle I hate due to it's diminishing effects of my soul. It is would be a perfect metaphor for depression if it were not real: we end up destroying more and more of our own world and corrupting ourselves and others, until the last few who believe in life still are just flickers amongst the darkness.
We kill. We move on. I'll keep doing it until I die. If we are the last alive yet to be converted, then so be it; humanity was supposed to die in that case and all I will be doing is getting rid of the fragments left within each Rani.
Sam says not to lose faith. Out of over 6 billion people, we can't be the last ones. It just wouldn't make sense. We're not exactly the epitome of humanity, so those better than us will make it too. But I'm not so sure. Wouldn't our circumstances define us also? The best locked in a room at the start of this would stand less of a chance than me up that tree on Day 1. But enough! Too many days have already passed and we should have grieved in that time. I will not again.
I hope you make another day
Saturday, 5 February 2011
Day 141
Nothing to report again. I was too tired today to do much of anything so I apologize for that.
I hope you make another day
I hope you make another day
Friday, 4 February 2011
Day 140
Not much to report today.
I still ache, and it was very windy outside which made me want to stay indoors. I didn't particularly want to have gales pressing against my chest as it is.
I did however have a quick look at the Rani situation. It's not great. There is a huge amount by the front gates and I would guess more at the others.
I'm thinking when the time comes to escape we're going to have to take a car or one of the vans and see how far we get... I just had an idea for escape, but it's another thing I'll keep quite for now.
I hope you make another day
I still ache, and it was very windy outside which made me want to stay indoors. I didn't particularly want to have gales pressing against my chest as it is.
I did however have a quick look at the Rani situation. It's not great. There is a huge amount by the front gates and I would guess more at the others.
I'm thinking when the time comes to escape we're going to have to take a car or one of the vans and see how far we get... I just had an idea for escape, but it's another thing I'll keep quite for now.
I hope you make another day
Thursday, 3 February 2011
Day 139
The weather was changeable today. Mostly dim, but the sun broke through for about an hour, shortly followed by wind and rain.
My breathing hasn't yet improved and I spent the majority of today testing to see what parts of me were actually broken and what were just injured. I gave up when I got to my third rib. Best I can tell is my arms and legs are fine, my head is also. I have at least 3 ribs injured, but most likely more. From the touch they were cracked but in place. A really light touch across the rest of my chest shows that none are outwards and I don't think inwards, though that isn't really a reliable test if we're honest.
Sam's mobile again; she left about 8 and came back about 4. I watched her most of the day worrying she was going to run or do something stupid, but she didn't. Though arguably staying with me is stupid...
I'm still thinking about what to do next if my plan here doesn't succeed. The thinking did nothing but made me feel tired...
I hope you make another day
My breathing hasn't yet improved and I spent the majority of today testing to see what parts of me were actually broken and what were just injured. I gave up when I got to my third rib. Best I can tell is my arms and legs are fine, my head is also. I have at least 3 ribs injured, but most likely more. From the touch they were cracked but in place. A really light touch across the rest of my chest shows that none are outwards and I don't think inwards, though that isn't really a reliable test if we're honest.
Sam's mobile again; she left about 8 and came back about 4. I watched her most of the day worrying she was going to run or do something stupid, but she didn't. Though arguably staying with me is stupid...
I'm still thinking about what to do next if my plan here doesn't succeed. The thinking did nothing but made me feel tired...
I hope you make another day
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
Day 138
Today started out well but as time has gone on it was ruined by the rain.
I slept better last night, possibly due to the low hum of the Rani in the background. When I got up, I climbed the steps to one of the roofs and sat down in my thermals to watch the day and take notes. It was probably too warm for me but better warm than cold in my condition.
The aim was to be more productive than yesterday and not just stare at the Rani. I made about 2 hours of notes about any quirks I saw in them and tallied up what was common.
It's not conclusive but I would say that there are a few things that carry between them. A jerking motion of limbs including the head, almost as if some one has grabbed them and pulled hard suddenly; strangely this doesn't seem to shift their balance, so I would say they are fully prepared for it somehow. This could be good if you are hidden from them and you figure out a rhythm; each one seems to have a rough time it will keep to, some vary by a second some vary by a minute. I'm not saying it is overly frequent either, most have about 5 or so minutes between them.
Another thing I noticed is they appear to try to work directly at the same goals, so much so they are actually helping each other achieve it, like at each weak chain in the fence one will grab on and shortly after more will copy, sometimes almost instantly.
I would have more conclusive notes if I had more time but Sam wandered out and sat next to me and started talking about things. I think she's trying to forget but isn't sure how. But it's good to know I am able to comfort her as she soon fell asleep with her head on my shoulder.
That's all for today.
I hope you make another day
I slept better last night, possibly due to the low hum of the Rani in the background. When I got up, I climbed the steps to one of the roofs and sat down in my thermals to watch the day and take notes. It was probably too warm for me but better warm than cold in my condition.
The aim was to be more productive than yesterday and not just stare at the Rani. I made about 2 hours of notes about any quirks I saw in them and tallied up what was common.
It's not conclusive but I would say that there are a few things that carry between them. A jerking motion of limbs including the head, almost as if some one has grabbed them and pulled hard suddenly; strangely this doesn't seem to shift their balance, so I would say they are fully prepared for it somehow. This could be good if you are hidden from them and you figure out a rhythm; each one seems to have a rough time it will keep to, some vary by a second some vary by a minute. I'm not saying it is overly frequent either, most have about 5 or so minutes between them.
Another thing I noticed is they appear to try to work directly at the same goals, so much so they are actually helping each other achieve it, like at each weak chain in the fence one will grab on and shortly after more will copy, sometimes almost instantly.
I would have more conclusive notes if I had more time but Sam wandered out and sat next to me and started talking about things. I think she's trying to forget but isn't sure how. But it's good to know I am able to comfort her as she soon fell asleep with her head on my shoulder.
That's all for today.
I hope you make another day
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Day 137
I'm not sure if the pain isn't there as much or I'm just pushing through it more, but regardless I am doing my best to move about. Thinking about it, it may be down to the excessive paracetamol i have been taking, though it is true that in each breath I take I wince a little. I reckon broken ribs, especially from running my fingers across them, luckily they don't seem to be too far gone; more cracked than disjointed, but I'm going to have to be careful and hope they heal well, but I'm wikipedia'ing and the rest to see recovery times, it's not particularly promising.
Sam hasn't spoken much still, she is writing and scribbling a lot in her book though, which she hasn't done for ages. We relocated to a 'better' safehouse. It's not really, but with the backup I have we can stay safe even if the Rani do break in.
I found my glasses on a quick attempt. My guess was right, when I was knocked unconscious they either fell off or were pulled off and left, this now means I can see clearly during the day which is nice.
I spent quite a bit of time staring at the Rani at the gatehouse today. A few noticed me but the majority of them seemed more interested in looking around at a way out. It's still cold but a cup of tea, even with re-hydrated milk, in a Thermos made the day pass quickly.
I wouldn't say I have a kinship with the Rani but I understand them a bit better from my imprisonment. They act on an instinct they have to sound, and it's relation to food. It's like Pavlov's dogs. Quite astoundingly so. I have to keep reminding myself that these are very rabid dogs, but it's easy just to forget now. They've been a part of my life so long that they almost seem like family, which makes me feel sick and uneasy.
I hope you make another day
Sam hasn't spoken much still, she is writing and scribbling a lot in her book though, which she hasn't done for ages. We relocated to a 'better' safehouse. It's not really, but with the backup I have we can stay safe even if the Rani do break in.
I found my glasses on a quick attempt. My guess was right, when I was knocked unconscious they either fell off or were pulled off and left, this now means I can see clearly during the day which is nice.
I spent quite a bit of time staring at the Rani at the gatehouse today. A few noticed me but the majority of them seemed more interested in looking around at a way out. It's still cold but a cup of tea, even with re-hydrated milk, in a Thermos made the day pass quickly.
I wouldn't say I have a kinship with the Rani but I understand them a bit better from my imprisonment. They act on an instinct they have to sound, and it's relation to food. It's like Pavlov's dogs. Quite astoundingly so. I have to keep reminding myself that these are very rabid dogs, but it's easy just to forget now. They've been a part of my life so long that they almost seem like family, which makes me feel sick and uneasy.
I hope you make another day
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