Sometimes I worry that I am starting to go crazy. I swear I could hear them breathe outside the door. Rani don't breathe. I've had them at my door enough times to know that to be true.
My mind keeps wandering to Day 4. So here is a short amount of recall.
So we stopped and waited for some unspoken reason. I was disorientated so I just sat down and tried to stay awake. I half managed that. I pretty much zoned out allowing my mind to shut down a bit, this of course meant that I wasn't paying attention to what they were doing or saying.
Instead I was treated to heavy breathing (I guess my own) and flashes of those damned eyes... Soon things pieced together more in a way that is indescribable. For a split second I felt like I was one. I actually understood how they thought. Truth is I still do even if it is only a fleeting understanding. I put that as my reason for survival, as my reason for life. The more I think about it though it makes me wonder if it was more important than that. Another what if: what if that moment was the moment I could have reanimated. Did I die? I know it is just another supposition, but I just don't get how I've gotten to understanding their movements, even predicting them. I've never been good really at anything, so how did I manage to become good at beating the odds? I'm no hunter, no tracker, no trained survivalist. I always used to play games in which you had to survive, but this is different. No replays, no cheats, and you have to physically endure whatever is thrown at you. I just don't get it. Why did I of all people survive? I know that is ironic as it was one of the first things I said in my second post (Day 7) but even though I can explain it away with the fact I HAVE it doesn't mean that I should have...
After a while I was awoken by Charlie tapping me on the head. She smiled and pulled me to my feet. And started walking. The others joined her after a few steps, so I kept up. I was less tired now, and I took more attention of the surroundings. I got the feeling I had seen this area in passing but had not actually stepped there. Buildings, buildings, buildings. It wasn't long until I had roughly placed myself slightly further South than where I had met the group. I thought it was a little strange considering we had initially headed North, but at that point I had a few, hopeful, ideas. Mainly that their 'base' was here or that they knew the direct South route was dangerous. They continued their frequent stops, but as I was less fatigued it didn't bother me as anything but an inconvenience.
Regardless I didn't really let on that I knew where we were. It wasn't a case of me hiding facts, I just didn't see it as important. This could be another reason I survived: they had misjudged my confusion and level of deprivation. My watch now read 3am. I estimated walking times and I think I slept for about an hour and a half. It's not a huge amount but 'power naps' are supposed to be good in the short term as they allow you to focus but fail to restore any energy.
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A thought screams at me; one that scares me to the core. The reason I am reminded of that day now... The breathing I heard as I slept. It was the same I heard at the door not a few hours ago. My heart is fluttering and not in the good way... Something's not right here.
I hope you make another day
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